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Wedding Jitters? This Can Help

Wedding jitters affect brides and grooms for a number of reasons. It’s not just about the wedding. Both sexes may fear the loss of their freedom, but women have it worse, even if they’re not conscious of it.

Women have more to lose by getting married

It’s the woman, not the man, who’s expected to change her name after marriage. Some women don’t feel great about that. I didn’t. After all, my name when I met my husband was the name I learned to write at age five. I can remember spelling it for the first time.

I didn’t want to lose it.

Maybe you don’t want to lose your name, either. Loss of identity (or its slow erosion) is a possibility that many women face when they find someone to love. If you’re about to get married, maybe this is an issue for you.

EFT/Tapping can help you gain clarity about the situation. Maybe you can feel better about changing your name. Maybe you’ll come up with the right words to tell your future husband you’re not going to change it.

Or, maybe changing your name doesn’t bother you. Your jitters are due to something else altogether. You could just be stressed about the politics of seating arrangements at your reception.

Whatever it is, EFT/Tapping can help you identify your fears and very often help you come up with the solutions to them. Best of all, it can help calm you.

(New to EFT/Tapping? Get free instructions and information here.)

Whatever the cause, EFT/Tapping can help ease wedding jitters

Is it possible you’re anxious about expectations to have children? Or about the changes parenthood will make to your life?

Even in 2017, women are generally considered the primary caregiver when children come into the picture, which will present situations you may have yet to fully consider. That doesn’t mean worries about them aren’t simmering under the surface.

For example, if you want to return to work after you have children, it’s usually the woman — even in this late age — who’ll oversee childcare. If you’re an executive, and your kid gets sick, it’s probably not your husband who’ll explain to colleagues while he’s leaving the office to take care of her.

Maybe this bothers you. If it does, please tap on it. See what comes up.

What if you don’t know what your problem is?

Sometimes we’re nervous about things we can’t articulate. We don’t even know what they are. In this case, it’s effective to tap on the feeling and see if anything concrete pops up.

For example, you can identify a physical feeling and tap on that. Give your jitters a color, if they have one. If they have a shape, name it. Do they have a texture? Where do you feel them? In your chest? Your stomach? Your head?

You don’t have to overthink anything. Just do your best. Tap on the fatty outer part of your hand and put together a set-up statement.

For example:

Even though I have this buzzy red circle in my stomach when I think about my wedding, I am willing to love and accept myself.

Repeat the statement three times. Then tap on the points:

This buzzy red circle in my stomach.

Complete a round and ask yourself what, if anything, is different. Has the circle changed shape? Location? Color? Has the buzz diminished, or has it been replaced with a different feeling? Has something concrete, like a rogue cousin you have to invite to the wedding, popped up?

Note the changes and tap again.

Do another round

Alter your set-up according to the changes you noted after the first round.

Even though I still have these wedding jitters, this buzzy red feeling– it’s smaller now, with blurrier edges–, and I’m worried about my cousin Angelo, what he might say to Mike, I am willing to love and accept myself.

Repeat three times. Then tap on the points using phrases that bring up the most emotion.

You might use a phrase like:

Angelo and Mike!

Tap until you bring the intensity down. Tap until something shifts. In most cases, you’ll get a hit of clarity.

As you continue, you may find out that you’re afraid Angelo might reveal to Mike something embarrassing about your past.

Keep tapping. See what comes up. Maybe it’ll be a smooth way to avoid the situation. If you can’t avoid it, you may find a way to mitigate it.

Keep tapping until you feel calm and confident. Bring down that intensity. The goal is to feel good and strong and tranquil in your skin again.

EFT/Tapping brings clarity

It’s easier to stop being nervous when we know what’s causing our distress. If we can identify it, we can handle it.

Let’s face it, we girls have been brought up from the moment we emerged from the womb to find a husband, but we can lose a lot when we do.

EFT can help you excavate your inner nudges and discern whether or not you’re marrying a man who will make your happiness a priority, and also how to navigate big and little fears, especially about marriage. We must be aware of what we’re getting into. Our lives depend on it.

Tapping can be a huge help.

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NOTE: The situations discussed above are examples, which may or may not apply to you. This post contains a link to The Tapping Solution, which provides solid self-help EFT instruction and of which I am proud to be a paid affiliate. However, some people prefer to work one-on-one with a certified practitioner. If that’s you, I’d love to work with you. Contact me here.

Take Charge of Your Happiness and Healing

Take Charge of Your Happiness and HealingIf it’s time to take charge of your own happiness and healing, you’ll be interested in hearing about a valuable new book.

I just finished reading the excellent and highly instructive How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can. It’s by Amy B. Scher, an energy therapist who overcame a grave illness, among other things. In each case, she determined that healing is more than physical. It’s emotional.

You can experience real physical pain that is rooted in an emotional problem.

If you suffer from back pain, for example, your pain is real. It is not “all in your head.” However, Scher makes the convincing case that your pain may be the result of a trauma or some event that affected you emotionally. It’s possible you don’t even remember it. To bring it to light, she includes helpful lessons on muscle testing, so that you can plumb your subconscious mind for those beliefs and traumas that have led to your pain, illness, and unhealthy behavior.

Truly, You Can Take Charge of Your Happiness and Healing

In a step-by-step fashion, Scher shows you how to uses various energy techniques to facilitate healing and reverse negative beliefs. She includes my favorite, Emotional Freedom Technique (or EFT/Tapping), in addition to Chakra Tapping, Thymus Test and Tap, and some other methods that were new to me. (I’ve already started experimenting with those on a personal basis.)

You may be relieved to know that Scher writes in a conversational style, so you won’t waste energy trying to comprehend something when your goal is to heal as efficiently as possible. Her book is an easy and almost fun read, even when she describes her clients’ cases.

I was especially interested in the author’s own experiences of recovering from anxiety, physical illness, her need for self-sacrifice, and her former attraction to unhappy relationships.

It’s lovely to know we can use our own two hands to stop ourselves from being attracted to people and situations who make life miserable. It’s even lovelier to know that we can get to the root of our pain and illness, and in many cases, eliminate it.

If you agree, get your hands on How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can. If you liked this post, please share it and leave a comment.

How the Movies You Watched as a Kid Screwed Up Your Life

How the Movies You Watched as a Kid Screwed Up Your LifeIf you’re like me, the movies I watched as a kid screwed me up for a while. I grew up on Snow White and Cinderella and internalized screwed up ideas about a prince coming to my rescue to make my life complete.

For eons, a woman’s success was measured by whether or not she had a man, preferably one who came with cash and prizes. (Women without husbands were considered losers and the object of pity.) Movies directed at us as children reinforced such screwed up notions.

We were brainwashed, but you’ve probably figured out by now that relying on a man (or any other person, for that matter) for your welfare and happiness is a sucker’s game. Some men are most definitely not princes, and the ones who are are subject to the same vulnerabilities as women: Unemployment, illness, and death. And it really is unfair to a man to expect him to live up to some fantasy we were force-fed as tiny children.

It’s good to know this on an intellectual level, but sometimes our emotions have trouble catching up. For example, you may know that marriage isn’t necessarily the key to security and happiness, but still you obsess about being single and, in society’s estimation, unwanted. Or, after you break up with one guy, you immediately leap into a relationship with another one.

EFT/Tapping can help you release the destructive beliefs and ideas that drive unhealthy behaviors. It can help you dissolve the feelings that lead you to take actions that ultimately leave you hurt and disappointed.

If you take time to get rid of the gunk in your subconscious, you’ll find yourself attracting healthy relationships with healthy men that bring you genuine happiness.

How Movies You Watched As a Kid Trip You Up In Other Ways

Has anyone has ever asked you, “Why are women so catty?” or “Why do women compete about the pettiest things?” They’ve asked me, and my initial response is, “What kind of ideas do you have about women?” I do get defensive about it. (Should tap on that!) I consider jealousy, for example, an ugly trait, and I don’t want to be accused of it. I’d hate to be described as catty or petty. I do my best not to be.

However, I am human and sometimes that despicable jealous feeling– however slight — threads its way through my body. At those times, I ask myself:

– What are you afraid of?
– Where did this fear come from?
– Where do you feel it in your body?

And then I tap.

If the jealousy is directed toward another woman for something stupid like her height, her looks, or her youth, I can pretty much trace it back to the movies I watched as a child. Snow White’s stepmother despised her because she was younger and prettier. Cinderella’s stepsisters were not as attractive as she and also thorough creeps. My developing baby mind got the picture: Youth and beauty in a woman equal good. Age confers not wisdom in a woman but meanness, envy, and shame. And, if you’re born beneath society’s standard of physical beauty, you might as well kill yourself.

The Antidote to All That Crap

If you ever find yourself jealous of another woman, ask yourself why. Acknowledge the feeling, for Pete’s sake, because society instilled it in you. Then tap on it and see what comes up. See how your life changes when you let go of barriers to happy, secure friendships with other women. You’ll probably start seeing crow’s feet as evidence of a person who’s laughed long and hard, instead of reason to max out a credit card in a plastic surgeon’s office.

Women can only benefit from being allies, not competitors, although it probably won’t bode well for those surgeons, nor for the Real Housewives franchise, which is popular among people accustomed to watching women tear each other’s hair out.

So, start tapping.

And if you decide you’d rather work with a certified practitioner, I’m here for you. Contact me at terryhernon(at)gmail.com.

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Reeling From a Breakup? EFT Can Help

YOu can get over him (1)If you’re reeling from a breakup, whether it was sudden or you saw it coming, you can feel better faster with EFT. That may come as a relief to you, or you may find yourself unwilling to heal and move on — just yet.

Overcoming the Reluctance to Get Over a Breakup

It may sound crazy that you’d hold onto the pain of being kicked to the curb, but sometimes we prevent ourselves from moving on because we secretly hope the person who did the kicking will smarten up and realize how wonderful we truly are. We pray he’ll see that nobody’s ever going to love him the way we do, and he’ll discover he can’t live without us. We’re hoping he’ll come back.

We’re afraid that if he does come back, and we’ve already neutralized our feelings for him, we’ll have lost our opportunity for the greatest relationship in the history of relationships. We don’t want to start over again and meet a new person. We’re used to this person!

The great thing about EFT is that we can also use it to overcome our reluctance to get over someone who hurt us.

A Quick Tapping Sequence to Overcome Your Insistence on Holding Onto the Person Who Hurt You

Admit the truth about what you’re feeling. If you don’t want to get over him, respect and honor that fact. Rate the intensity of your reluctance (10 being most intense, 0 being least). Then tap on it:

Even though I don’t want to get over ____________________, I am willing to love and accept myself.
Even though I’m not ready to get over ___________________, I am willing to love and accept myself.
Even though I can’t imagine life without __________________ because he’s been such a big part of my life, and I had such hopes for a future together, I am willing to love and accept myself.

NOTE: These phrases are a guideline. If they resonate with you, great. If more accurate words come up during the course of tapping, use them instead. This is about your experience. Your words and feelings are ultimately the most powerful.

EYEBROW POINT: I don’t want to get over him.
SIDE OF EYE: I’m not ready to get over him.
UNDER EYE: I really liked (loved) him.
UNDER NOSE: I’m not ready to let go of him.
CHIN POINT: Maybe he’ll come back.
COLLARBONE: What if he comes back, and I don’t like him anymore?
UNDER ARM: Then I’ll have to start all over again.
TOP OF HEAD: I’ll have to meet someone new.

EP: I don’t want to meet someone new!
SE: I want _______________.
UE: I was happy with _________________.
UN: I want_______________________________.
CP: There’s nobody like ________________.
CB: I am not going to let him go!
UA: I am not letting go of this.
TH: I want him, and that is that.

Take a deep breath. Now rate the intensity of your reluctance to move on from the relationship. If it’s higher than a three, repeat the sequence.

Tapping to Move On (Happily) With Your Life

Once you get the intensity to three or below, you can start to integrate phrases about any sadness you are feeling. If you’re feeling rejected, abandoned, badly used, tap on those too. Tap on any fears you may have of being alone.

After a breakup, it’s common to experience such a bundle of emotions, it’s difficult to identify them clearly. In that case, tap on whatever you’re feeling physically; for instance, “this ball of pain in my stomach,” “or this yellow-colored raggedness in my chest.” Close your eyes and locate your pain. What shape is it? Does it have a color?

Tap on it until your individual emotions raise their hands and identify themselves. Then tap on them. Afterwards, take a deep breath and see how you feel.

Remember, the worst thing that can happen by tapping on your breakup is that you will feel better afterwards. And, if the one who dumped you shows up again, trying to get back together, you’ll won’t be so vulnerable. You’ll also have the clarity to decide what you want to do next.

If you’d rather not go the DIY route, I’m here for you. Contact me for a free consultation to find out how we can work together. Thanks to Skype, distance is not a problem.

Life After Dating Advice (Almost) Daily

uniquethings todo with mom this mother's dayFor years I blogged like a demon at Happy Girl Musing, and then I moved things to Dating Advice (Almost) Daily, but botched things so badly in a DIY attempt to upgrade it that nobody could even find it anymore.

So I moved away from blogging to write fiction. I thought I’d also do videos to tell you about the books I was reading, but then my camera person left for college, and I figured I’d better focus on fiction than on producing DIY videos. The good news is, I won a small first place award for one of my short stories last summer, and I recently received an encouraging close-but-no-cigar rejection email from the editor of one of my favorite magazines.

Some other big news: I am now a certified EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) practitioner. If you’ve been with me a while, you’ve heard stories about how EFT smoothed out some considerable bumps in my life. Around 2013, I decided it was time for me to help others and took steps toward certification. I’m now using it in my work with women who want to attract the right partner, among other people.

To that end, Ronnie Ann Ryan and I did a bit of polling, and most of you say you want to attract more suitable suitors. (We know that dating sites are fraught with men with entitlement issues, too many of whom appear in pics for which they were too lazy to put on shirts.)

It occurred to me that EFT is an effective resource to dissolve the obstacles that trip us up in finding love with worthy (and attractive) partners. You may be wondering how doing EFT (or Tapping, as it’s also known) is going to help you find men who wear shirts. However, since what’s going on inside us determines what goes on outside us, EFT can definitely help you widen and improve your field of possibilities.

Ronnie and I are putting together a webinar, which will incorporate EFT to help you find the love you want with less drama. Keep an eye out for the announcement!

Dating Advice (Almost) Daily was just the beginning. I hope to post on this page every week or so. I also hope you’ll come along to see what’s next.