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Do Men Prefer Younger Women? Not Really

Men don’t prefer younger women, despite what you read at the check-out counter. Now, I’m aware George Clooney just became a father for the first time with his wife, Amal, a woman seventeen years his junior, but George Clooney is a celebrity. He is not the guy next door.

The media claim men prefer younger women

First of all, the media say that men are “hard wired” to seek younger women for fertility reasons. (They throw “hard wired” around a lot, also to explain why all men are programmed to cheat — another myth). The self-proclaimed authorities on this subject maintain this phenomenon exists to propagate the human race.

They want us to reduce men to lower mammals, like the ones seen mating in open fields on Wild Kingdom.

Now, I personally do not know any men who have intentionally sought younger women. I don’t know of any who’ve left a marriage for one, either. (The idea that men typically leave their wives for a younger model is another lie.)

And I’ve been around for a while. My father loved my mother and remained happily married to her until she died. Every one of my uncles stayed married to my aunts. My cousins remain married to their wives.

As for my male friends who are now divorced, I assure you, they did not leave their wives for younger women. In most cases, they didn’t leave their wives at all.

Here are some other heartening examples of men who prefer women their age

– A widowed friend of my husband is now in a serious relationship with a woman he dated as a teenager.

– A successful middle-aged single acquaintance met a local woman his age, the mother of two boys, on Match, and married her.

– A male friend regained his emotional footing after his girlfriend cheated on him and went on to marry a woman his age.

The guy next door does not prefer younger women and scoffs at men who do

Often, when an older man dates a much-younger woman, his peers don’t admire him. On the contrary, when the wife of a neighborhood man caught him cheating with a 23-year-old and divorced him, the other men in the area called him a dope.

Jealousy didn’t come into play.

“He lost everything,” said one. “And now he’s stuck with a 23-year-old girl who doesn’t know who Bruce Springsteen is!”

Then, in another case, a group of men laughed behind the back of a middle-aged friend who continually showed up to social events with a different younger woman. They considered him insecure and not overly bright.

If what I say is true, why are dating sites jammed with guys who prefer younger women?

Because there are a lot of jerks on dating sites.

Tip: If a guy poses without a shirt and wants a woman young enough to be his daughter, it means he’s a jerk. It’s not a sign that you should be discouraged about meeting the love of your life.

Know that for every jerk in the world, there’s a lovely guy out there who wants a relationship with a woman will will love him and be his best friend. He’s there for you if you’re willing to see him.

Perhaps the biggest myth about men is that they are purely sex driven and do not possess basic human emotional needs, like love. They are not allowed to cry or show weakness.

Are you pushing the right type of man away with the wrong attitude?

Some women tell me they’d be turned off if a man cried in front of them or showed vulnerability. They consider it a sign of weakness.

Does this sound like you?

Do you feel safer believing all men want younger woman, they’re all porn fiends, or they all cheat? Could this be some misguided attempt at self-protection on your part? Is it possible you’re afraid of a real relationship with a real man capable of expressing real feelings?

What’s that about?

If you face your fears, you can transcend them.You can have the relationship you say you want but has eluded you. You can meet someone who makes you happy.

But sometimes real men do date younger women

At some point, you may come across a really great guy who’s dating a much-younger woman. However, I’ll bet “younger” didn’t make the top five on his criteria when he looked for a girlfriend. I’ll bet she just happened to be someone he had a lot in common with. She turned out to someone who could be his best friend.

It’s not common, but people do sometimes fall in love with much younger people. Keep the handsome new French president in mind. Emmanuel Macron is 39. His wife of ten years, Brigitte Trogneux, is 64.

Want tips on meeting the right guy? How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams is on Kindle.

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My Week of Less Complaining

Less Complaining
What happens when you jot down complaints and turn them into prayers of gratitude? I’m going to find out.

Last week, after getting a nudge, I decided to limit my complaining to see if would improve my life. If what we focus on expands, you’d think my life would turn into one big party.


Here’s what happened

The first day went well, but that was to be expected. After all, it was the first day. Anyone could do that.

I also succeeded the following two days when I went on a business trip. Nothing warranted objection, really, certainly not the food, the accommodation, or even any of the people who spoke at the conference.

The hotel staff set up coffee stations in just about every corner, so I couldn’t even gripe about falling into a three o’clock slump. My bed featured a top-notch mattress. I even figured out how to turn on the shower without having to call the front desk.

Our hotel had a view of the airport, but by some miracle of modern technology, we didn’t hear a single plane. I only came close to complaining once, about the hotel’s cheap WiFi policy. They didn’t charge you to use it in the lobby, but they wanted $12.95 per day to use it in your room.

I decided to suck it up and turned on Stephen Colbert.

Then, over the weekend, on my way to my niece’s fourth birthday party, we hit traffic even before we got on the highway. In the broiling sun. I wanted to complain about it, of course, and emit some profanities, but I remembered my vow and managed a prayer of gratitude for smooth travel.

Interestingly, once we did get on the highway, we sailed out of Connecticut into New York. We arrived at the party after just one brief tie-up.

I lose it

On Sunday, a person who shall not be named resumed a behavior that I have requested him/her to cease. My automatic response was to go off on a tear about how sick I am of his/her nonsense, and when is he/she going to get it, and so on.

I went hog wild on this individual (behind his/her back), complete with jokes and petty imitations. I started to really enjoy myself at this person’s expense. Then remembered the challenge.

Also, it occurred to me:

If what I think about is what I bring about, is it possible that by complaining I am contributing to his/her annoying proclivities?

I find it again

Yesterday, when this offender reappeared and started up, I opened my mouth to go on a rant. I stopped myself dead. I got an idea to pray for him/her instead. My prayers worked in traffic. Maybe they would work here.

I don’t have any results to report yet, but I will keep praying for this individual. If anything notable happens, I’ll get back to you.

The future of less complaining: Another experiment

My success in enjoying almost no traffic gave me yet another idea: to jot in a notebook my complaints as they pop into my head, and then offer a prayer of gratitude for their opposite.

So, for example, if my complaint is:

This guy’s a giant asshole!

My prayer of gratitude could be:

Thank you, God, for this person’s hidden kindness and courtesy, which is now surfacing for everyone to see and feel.

Now, it’s nearly impossible to pray for a creep who skidded into the parking space for which I patiently waited, so the best course would be to tap and let off steam first.

(Even though this asshole took my parking space…)

By next week at this time, I’m sure I’ll have filled several pages with prayers of gratitude. I wonder what changes that will bring about.

How I feel so far after a week of less complaining

I was pretty happy to begin with, but I’m lighter and happier.

I notice that when I don’t complain I can be truly present for other people, instead of being preoccupied by a lot of nonsense. (Because who really cares if someone stole my parking space?)

And, when I’m not complaining, I can be more present altogether. It may sound corny, but I’m aware of the cardinal on my doorstep, the bursting hydrangeas, the chipmunk skittering across my lawn. I make note of the color of other people’s eyes. Everything’s a bit brighter.

I’ll let you know what the next week brings.

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Christians and the Law of Attraction

Christians and the Law of Attraction

Christians sometimes hesitate to use the Law of Attraction for fear that it will offend God, especially when proponents throw around the word Universe all the time, as if the Universe created itself and everything in it.

But if we acknowledge that the God is the architect of the universe, I don’t see a problem. God created the Law of Gravity, and while I respect the Law of Gravity and know that it “works” no matter what, I don’t mistake it for God. I don’t worship it.

I don’t worship the Law of Attraction, either, but I respect it.

What is the Law of Attraction?

It’s a pretty easy concept. It says that like attracts like.

If you’ve ever heard the expressions, “the rich get richer” and “birds of a feather flock together,” you know what I mean.

Previously unsuccessful people activate the Law of Attraction by doing and saying things to make themselves believe they’ve achieved some sort of success. Then they achieve it. That’s an example of like attracting like.

People activate LoA through various means:

– Visualization (or mental rehearsal)
– Affirmation
– Scripting ideal days, situations, or relationships
– Acting ‘as if’

To achieve the desired result, one must cultivate faith.

“Faith is the realization of what is hoped for, and evidence of things not seen.” – Hebrews 11:1

What I found out about the Law of Attraction and faith

A Catholic lecturer recommends that people spend fifteen minutes each morning reading a chapter of one of the four Gospels for one hundred days. He says to start with Matthew, finish with John, and start over again. He says this will change your life. I’ve been doing it since early April.

Along the way, I’ve come across verses that support LoA. They are:

“Jesus said to him, ‘If you can!’ Everything is possible to one who has faith.” – Mark 9:23

“Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he said will happen, it shall be done for him.” – Mark 11:23

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

“And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.” – John 14:12-13

More important than the verses I’ve collected to support my argument, I am getting to know Jesus better and deepening my friendship with him, which is more important to me than any other goal I’ve ever set for myself.

LoA works even if you don’t believe in God

Just as the Law of Gravity works if you don’t believe in God, LoA works, too. I live in the universe God created, and I am subject to all of its laws. If I go out in the rain without an umbrella, I will get wet. In this case, it doesn’t matter if I believe in God.

But life is better because I do.

You are using faith all the time

Your thoughts create your reality. When you think something won’t work out, you’re usually right. When you tell yourself you can’t achieve something, you’re usually right. When you tell yourself life is hard and getting harder, you’re usually right. (And, when somebody asks you how you’re doing, you answer, “Same shit, different day,” it’s time to come up with a better response.)

What you think about, you bring about

I got the idea for this post while reading the New Testament after breakfast one morning. Shortly afterwards, I just happened to pick a book off my shelf that I hadn’t looked at in years. It confirmed what I’m saying here. Then, a couple of days ago, I received the gift of a book by a Christian who built a successful business while placing his faith in God and also practicing affirmations and visualization.

God gave you an imagination, so use it to picture outcomes you want. Even if you’ve never had a decent romantic relationship before, you can change that with LoA. Write down the kind of relationship you want with a person who possesses the qualities you value. The same goes for getting better jobs, exceeding sales quotas, and buying the perfect house. Decide what you want. Pray about it.

Cultivate faith and act on it. If you want a boyfriend, by all means visualize your ideal relationship. Then– and this is key– get out of the house and meet people. If you want a better job, come up with a good affirmation and use it. Send out your resume.

Then believe you’ve succeeded. (Hint: What feelings would you be feeling if you succeeded? Feel them.) Keep up the visualization and affirmations. Have faith. Faith is everything.

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How to Get What You Want (Painlessly)

How to Get What You Want Painlessly
Stop stressing and take time to enjoy the rhodedendrons.

Wouldn’t it be nice to get what you want without stressing about it? Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to fight for every little good thing that comes into your life?

Unfortunately, too many of us have allowed ourselves to be conditioned that if we want something, we have to struggle for it. The harder we struggle, the better the outcome and the bigger the reward.

Except this isn’t true.

For example, let’s say you have some sort of exam looming. It’s months away, and your instructor hasn’t even covered the material, but already you’re thinking about that exam. You’re stressing about it. The time comes to study, and you procrastinate.

Every time you think about it, your stomach fills with a big heavy ball of dread, terror, and angst. You put off studying until the last possible minute.

Finally, the night before the exam arrives. You put on a pot of coffee and stay up all night, reading, memorizing, making flashcards. You show up for the exam the next morning bleary-eyed but somewhat confident. You pass. You call your friends and celebrate.

Because the struggle was real.

But was the struggle ever necessary?

We get it into our heads that nothing worthwhile comes without suffering. We love to suffer! It makes us feel noble and accomplished. Now, there are situations where suffering is inevitable; for example, the death of a parent or spouse. That’s tough. There’s no way out of that one.

But, in the case of the exam, wouldn’t it have been easier to spend fifteen minutes each night after the instructor introduced the material reading a few pages of the text? Better yet, wouldn’t it have been wise to, as athletes do, visualize yourself enjoying the exam and knowing all the answers?

Stop struggling and let your subconscious help you get what you want

Your subconscious mind will take you where you want to go. When you use only your conscious mind, you tend to overthink and stress about every little detail. The antidote to this is to figure out what you want (to pass the exam) and communicate that to your subconscious via visualization.

Visualization in the first step. The second step is to fully engage the subconscious by feeling the same emotions you’d experience when the instructor returned your exam with a big fat red A on it.

Use your subconscious to lose weight

Back in the day when I struggled with my weight, I tried The Scarsdale Diet, Overeaters Anonymous, Weight Watchers, you name it. I lost a few pounds, fell off the wagon, and gained it back.

Everything changed when I read about a study of basketball players who visualized themselves scoring points before they hit the court. It turned out they had an uncanny success rate. (Here’s an article that explains the phenomenon.)

When I went to bed at night, I visualized myself wearing beautiful clothes and looking and feeling slim in them. I visualized people coming up to me and complimenting me about how good I looked.

I lost forty pounds.

The amazing thing about it was that I did not struggle. I did not consult calorie counters. I did not join a gym. As if by magic, opportunities to eat better, delicious food in the right amounts appeared out of nowhere. I had always been a walker, but I found more opportunities to walk, so that exercise seamlessly slid into my daily routine. I did not have to fit it in.

Visualize your way to success in things big and little

You can visualize your way into happy relationships, new friendships, and better jobs with better bosses. You can visualize your success as a businessperson or entrepreneur. You can visualize your way to face-flattering haircuts and figure-enhancing dresses.

I’ve done it.

The key is to put yourself in the future. Decide what you want and feel what you’d feel if you had it. It takes practice and takes commitment, but if you’re ready to get what you want painlessly, it’s worth it.

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Are We In End Times?

Are We In End Times?

A lot of people think we’re in End Times. They cite melting glaciers, the frequency of terror attacks, and continual earthquakes in Oklahoma as evidence. Just this week alone, two people asked my opinion on the subject.

I also heard a story second hand about a delivery man who reported to a young woman that we are in End Times. To prove his point, he recited a litany of symptoms. He completely freaked her out.

I don’t know if the world is ending, but I do know there’s an uptick in the number of people who say it is.

A priest I like very much says that we are indeed in End Times, a condition that began after the Resurrection. In other words, God promised a Savior. We got the Savior. So, the curtain is falling slowly but no one knows when it will close.

The delivery man doesn’t have a clue. Not even Jesus knew when the world would end:

“But of that day or hour, no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” -Mark 13:32

If we’re in End Times, I’m not too worried about it

I’m going to die. It’s just a matter of when and how. Since I don’t know those things, I do my best to live a good life, a kind of heaven on earth, which involves a good amount of prayer and self-examination. (The prayer part is fun; the self-examination isn’t.)

I’ve built, with the help of God, what is called a prayer life and is, in effect, a life outside and more real than this one. And even though it’s never perfect (because I am not perfect and sometimes spaced out), it has made me truly, deeply, and lastingly happy.

Because I pray, I am with my best friend all the time. I am tuned in to a supernatural power I am not equipped to explain; you have to experience it for yourself.

I want everyone to have what I have.

So, if you wonder if we’re in End Times, good. Ask yourself how you would change your life if you knew for certain we were. How would that bit of information transform you?

I’m excited for the young woman who heard the delivery man’s proclamation because, even though he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, she’s asking questions. Maybe she’ll see that there’s another dimension to life, that it’s not just nine-to-five and Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

It’s possible she’ll start to live every day as though it’s her last. At the very least, I hope she’ll make a commitment to being happy.

Why I Don’t Believe In Past Lives

past lives
Cogito doesn’t believe in past lives, either.
I don’t believe in past lives because I am lazy. As a small child, my mother told me that one day I’d die, and if I loved God and was good to other people, I would go to heaven. I liked that idea so much that I responded, “Oh, good,” when I learned Robert Kennedy died. My mother told me that was a terrible thing to say, and I didn’t understand. She had said that dying and going to God was a good thing. I was six years old.

I still think dying and going to God is a good thing, although I’m not in a hurry, and I understand that murder is evil. However when my time comes, my motto is one and done. I have no desire to come back to earth and relearn to put my napkin in my lap, be punished for pulling my sister’s hair, or to get hit by a nun for putting a decimal in the wrong place. And even though I recycle and drive a fairly fuel efficient car, a lot of people don’t give a crap about the environment, and who wants to come back to a mess?

That said, many intelligent people believe they’ve lived previous lives, including fellow EFT/Tapping practitioners. It’s possible I’m slated to return in the future as the person who brokers a peace accord between humans and our increasingly intellectually capable robot counterparts, but I doubt it.

Not Past Lives But Genetic Memory

I do believe, however, in genetic memory. I prefer to think that the experiences of my great-great-great-great grandmothers, are encoded in my DNA, and they influence my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Interestingly, science believes this too. Here’s an article about genetic memory from the BBC. Here’s another from Science Alert. And here’s one particular to inherited phobias from The Telegraph.

Genetic memory, as opposed to past lives, excites me on so many levels. When I’m tapping with a client, she’s talking to her subconscious, which remembers everything, and after a while, her subconscious talks back, revealing information and providing insight into limiting beliefs, situations, and behaviors. It’s thrilling to see the light go on in her eyes as she’s tapping and getting to the root of the cause of a weight problem or a pattern of attracting substandard boyfriends.

And just because I don’t believe in past lives, it doesn’t mean I don’t respect those who do. EFT practitioners are helping clients resolve all sorts of issues, no matter where they originated.

If you haven’t tried EFT yet, I recommend you do. It’s easy and effective. You can work with me, or you can do it on your own. To learn it yourself, search “how to do EFT Tapping.” An excellent book on the subject is The Tapping Solution by Nick Ortner.

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5 Steps to Making Your Dream Come True

cape cod august 2015Most of us have dreams. Some of us want to be millionaires, others want to meet the man or woman of our dreams, and still others want to travel. Some of us just want to quit smoking or lose a little weight.

It’s been hammered into too many of us, though, that achieving such goals are either out of the question or require back-breaking work and endless sacrifice.

I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here are three steps to making your dreams come true.

1. Define your dream. You have to know what you want if you want to get it. It’s fine to say you want to travel, but where? Define a destination. You want to meet the right woman or man? Define the qualities you’d like in such a person.

To naysayers who say this list writing is for fools, you’re wrong. When you define what you want, your reticular activating system kicks into gear, alerting you to the presence of the kinds of people, opportunities, and things you desire.

2. Write an affirmation. If your goal is to quit smoking, write something along the lines of, “My hair and clothes smell so good now that I’ve quit smoking.” Or, “My children are at peace now that I’ve quit smoking.” Or, “It feels great walking up a flight of stairs easily now that I’ve quit smoking.”

It’s always good to use a phrase that evokes feeling. Some experts agree it’s best to write your affirmation in present tense, although Scot Adams, the creator of Dilbert, used future tense. He wrote, “I, Scott Adams, will become a syndicated cartoonist” 15 times a day, and everything worked out just fine for him.

3. Tap on it. If you feel any resistance while writing your affirmation, as in, “This is complete BS, and it’s never going to happen,” you might want to tap on that. If you get a scary feeling while writing your affirmation, you might want to put down your pen and give it some thought: Where is the feeling in your body? What’s it trying to tell you? Maybe you truly do want to travel, but you have anxiety about leaving your job for two weeks. Maybe you want to meet the right man or woman, but your parents got divorced, and you never, ever want to go through what they did.

Acknowledge your fears and understand that they may be holding you back from getting what you want. Tap on them and see if they don’t loosen their grip on you or, even better, flee altogether.

4. Keep writing that affirmation. As you clear the fears and limiting beliefs that prevent you from making your dreams come true, you’ll find yourself writing your affirmations easily. You’ll find your imagination filling in all sorts of fun and new details you hadn’t considered before, which encourages your subconscious to bring your goals to pass quickly.

5. Take action. You’ll find that taking action is easier after you’ve been writing your affirmations for a week or two. Saying no to the cigarette will seem possible, as will booking the cruise, or writing the dating profile you’ve dreaded. Tasks that once seemed insurmountable may even be pleasant. Continuing to write your affirmation fifteen times a day for thirty days will supercharge your actions.

See what happens and let me know how it goes.

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How the Movies You Watched as a Kid Screwed Up Your Life

How the Movies You Watched as a Kid Screwed Up Your LifeIf you’re like me, the movies I watched as a kid screwed me up for a while. I grew up on Snow White and Cinderella and internalized screwed up ideas about a prince coming to my rescue to make my life complete.

For eons, a woman’s success was measured by whether or not she had a man, preferably one who came with cash and prizes. (Women without husbands were considered losers and the object of pity.) Movies directed at us as children reinforced such screwed up notions.

We were brainwashed, but you’ve probably figured out by now that relying on a man (or any other person, for that matter) for your welfare and happiness is a sucker’s game. Some men are most definitely not princes, and the ones who are are subject to the same vulnerabilities as women: Unemployment, illness, and death. And it really is unfair to a man to expect him to live up to some fantasy we were force-fed as tiny children.

It’s good to know this on an intellectual level, but sometimes our emotions have trouble catching up. For example, you may know that marriage isn’t necessarily the key to security and happiness, but still you obsess about being single and, in society’s estimation, unwanted. Or, after you break up with one guy, you immediately leap into a relationship with another one.

EFT/Tapping can help you release the destructive beliefs and ideas that drive unhealthy behaviors. It can help you dissolve the feelings that lead you to take actions that ultimately leave you hurt and disappointed.

If you take time to get rid of the gunk in your subconscious, you’ll find yourself attracting healthy relationships with healthy men that bring you genuine happiness.

How Movies You Watched As a Kid Trip You Up In Other Ways

Has anyone has ever asked you, “Why are women so catty?” or “Why do women compete about the pettiest things?” They’ve asked me, and my initial response is, “What kind of ideas do you have about women?” I do get defensive about it. (Should tap on that!) I consider jealousy, for example, an ugly trait, and I don’t want to be accused of it. I’d hate to be described as catty or petty. I do my best not to be.

However, I am human and sometimes that despicable jealous feeling– however slight — threads its way through my body. At those times, I ask myself:

– What are you afraid of?
– Where did this fear come from?
– Where do you feel it in your body?

And then I tap.

If the jealousy is directed toward another woman for something stupid like her height, her looks, or her youth, I can pretty much trace it back to the movies I watched as a child. Snow White’s stepmother despised her because she was younger and prettier. Cinderella’s stepsisters were not as attractive as she and also thorough creeps. My developing baby mind got the picture: Youth and beauty in a woman equal good. Age confers not wisdom in a woman but meanness, envy, and shame. And, if you’re born beneath society’s standard of physical beauty, you might as well kill yourself.

The Antidote to All That Crap

If you ever find yourself jealous of another woman, ask yourself why. Acknowledge the feeling, for Pete’s sake, because society instilled it in you. Then tap on it and see what comes up. See how your life changes when you let go of barriers to happy, secure friendships with other women. You’ll probably start seeing crow’s feet as evidence of a person who’s laughed long and hard, instead of reason to max out a credit card in a plastic surgeon’s office.

Women can only benefit from being allies, not competitors, although it probably won’t bode well for those surgeons, nor for the Real Housewives franchise, which is popular among people accustomed to watching women tear each other’s hair out.

So, start tapping.

And if you decide you’d rather work with a certified practitioner, I’m here for you. Contact me at terryhernon(at)gmail.com.

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