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Wedding Jitters? This Can Help

Wedding jitters affect brides and grooms for a number of reasons. It’s not just about the wedding. Both sexes may fear the loss of their freedom, but women have it worse, even if they’re not conscious of it.

Women have more to lose by getting married

It’s the woman, not the man, who’s expected to change her name after marriage. Some women don’t feel great about that. I didn’t. After all, my name when I met my husband was the name I learned to write at age five. I can remember spelling it for the first time.

I didn’t want to lose it.

Maybe you don’t want to lose your name, either. Loss of identity (or its slow erosion) is a possibility that many women face when they find someone to love. If you’re about to get married, maybe this is an issue for you.

EFT/Tapping can help you gain clarity about the situation. Maybe you can feel better about changing your name. Maybe you’ll come up with the right words to tell your future husband you’re not going to change it.

Or, maybe changing your name doesn’t bother you. Your jitters are due to something else altogether. You could just be stressed about the politics of seating arrangements at your reception.

Whatever it is, EFT/Tapping can help you identify your fears and very often help you come up with the solutions to them. Best of all, it can help calm you.

(New to EFT/Tapping? Get free instructions and information here.)

Whatever the cause, EFT/Tapping can help ease wedding jitters

Is it possible you’re anxious about expectations to have children? Or about the changes parenthood will make to your life?

Even in 2017, women are generally considered the primary caregiver when children come into the picture, which will present situations you may have yet to fully consider. That doesn’t mean worries about them aren’t simmering under the surface.

For example, if you want to return to work after you have children, it’s usually the woman — even in this late age — who’ll oversee childcare. If you’re an executive, and your kid gets sick, it’s probably not your husband who’ll explain to colleagues while he’s leaving the office to take care of her.

Maybe this bothers you. If it does, please tap on it. See what comes up.

What if you don’t know what your problem is?

Sometimes we’re nervous about things we can’t articulate. We don’t even know what they are. In this case, it’s effective to tap on the feeling and see if anything concrete pops up.

For example, you can identify a physical feeling and tap on that. Give your jitters a color, if they have one. If they have a shape, name it. Do they have a texture? Where do you feel them? In your chest? Your stomach? Your head?

You don’t have to overthink anything. Just do your best. Tap on the fatty outer part of your hand and put together a set-up statement.

For example:

Even though I have this buzzy red circle in my stomach when I think about my wedding, I am willing to love and accept myself.

Repeat the statement three times. Then tap on the points:

This buzzy red circle in my stomach.

Complete a round and ask yourself what, if anything, is different. Has the circle changed shape? Location? Color? Has the buzz diminished, or has it been replaced with a different feeling? Has something concrete, like a rogue cousin you have to invite to the wedding, popped up?

Note the changes and tap again.

Do another round

Alter your set-up according to the changes you noted after the first round.

Even though I still have these wedding jitters, this buzzy red feeling– it’s smaller now, with blurrier edges–, and I’m worried about my cousin Angelo, what he might say to Mike, I am willing to love and accept myself.

Repeat three times. Then tap on the points using phrases that bring up the most emotion.

You might use a phrase like:

Angelo and Mike!

Tap until you bring the intensity down. Tap until something shifts. In most cases, you’ll get a hit of clarity.

As you continue, you may find out that you’re afraid Angelo might reveal to Mike something embarrassing about your past.

Keep tapping. See what comes up. Maybe it’ll be a smooth way to avoid the situation. If you can’t avoid it, you may find a way to mitigate it.

Keep tapping until you feel calm and confident. Bring down that intensity. The goal is to feel good and strong and tranquil in your skin again.

EFT/Tapping brings clarity

It’s easier to stop being nervous when we know what’s causing our distress. If we can identify it, we can handle it.

Let’s face it, we girls have been brought up from the moment we emerged from the womb to find a husband, but we can lose a lot when we do.

EFT can help you excavate your inner nudges and discern whether or not you’re marrying a man who will make your happiness a priority, and also how to navigate big and little fears, especially about marriage. We must be aware of what we’re getting into. Our lives depend on it.

Tapping can be a huge help.

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NOTE: The situations discussed above are examples, which may or may not apply to you. This post contains a link to The Tapping Solution, which provides solid self-help EFT instruction and of which I am proud to be a paid affiliate. However, some people prefer to work one-on-one with a certified practitioner. If that’s you, I’d love to work with you. Contact me here.

Why It’s Better to Meet a Man In a Bar Than at Church

Meet a Man
Just because you met him in church doesn’t make him a saint.

Ready to meet a man? Conventional wisdom favors churches as sources of good men over bars, where, it’s said you’ll only meet drunks and losers.

But I disagree.

You absolutely can meet a good man at church, but you can just as easily meet a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Think about it. If you were a wolf, where would you go to meet sheep? I’m guessing you’d go where sheep congregate. Women assume because they meet a man at church that he’s holy, kind, and well-mannered, but some people at church are bigoted, hypocritical, and predatory.

And I know for a fact (because I’ve seen it) that some men join specific “Christian” churches where women are expected to walk ten paces behind their husbands. Such men join these congregations with one goal in mind: To find a woman they can enslave for the rest of her life.

But, if you insist on making church your man quarry, please be at least as careful as you would if you went out to meet fellows in a bar. Truly listen to a man when he speaks. Don’t assume anything. People are on their best behavior at church, so be sure to meet him in other places to see how he behaves. Make it your mission to really get to know him.

If possible, get him drunk.

My mother used to tell me, “Ladies do not get drunk,” but an ex-boyfriend’s mother disagreed with this philosophy. She said, “It’s when a woman’s drunk that you can tell if she’s a lady.”

The same goes for a gentleman.

Is he a gentleman?

When you meet a man in a bar, you get to see how he handles alcohol. You get to see if his mood takes a dark turn after a couple of beers.

If there’s a game on television, you get to see how he behaves when his team loses. You get to see how he behaves when his team wins. You get to see how he treats other people. You get to see if he drinks and drives, or if he’s man enough to call Uber.

In other words, you get to see if he’s a gentleman.

You’re not going to find this out at church, not right away at least. You may come away with the wrong impression that a man who attends church doesn’t hang out in bars, but for all you know, the guy is a dry drunk trying to distract himself by selling raffle tickets for the parish carnival. He could be a drug addict. He could be a serial killer eluding capture. You just don’t know.

You hate bars, you say?

Bars are not for everybody, and maybe you’ll meet a man who doesn’t like them, either. If someone catches your eye at church or in some other community of seemingly good citizens, the key is to be friendly and remain alert. Don’t ever delude yourself into thinking that because a guy belongs to a Bible study or a poetry club that he’s been properly vetted.

Always, always, always watch how a man treats other people. Hear how he talks about other people, particularly women. If he’s badmouthing his mother, sister, ex-girlfriends, and female bosses, he is not the guy for you.

Run for the hills.

Make sure you spend time with a potential boyfriend in a variety of other settings. (Some “Christians” are notoriously bad tippers who think the world owes them something in return for their so-called holiness.)

When you want to meet a man, look for somebody who treats others — especially women — as he’d like to be treated. You’re not more likely to meet that kind of man in a church, and you’re not less likely to meet him in a bar.

The bottom line is this: Wherever you decide to go to meet men, hold out for the best. This is your life we’re talking about.

How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams is on Kindle. If you liked this post, please share it. If you have a comment, let me hear it!

Are You Are Dating An Asshole?

One Big Clue You're Dating

If you set one goal in your dating life, please let it be to not date assholes. If you date an asshole, you could end up marrying an asshole, and you don’t want to do that.

The key to not dating assholes is to spot them and run away from them.

So how do you spot them?

Assholes commit many asshole crimes, but chief among them is commenting on women’s looks, either yours or other women’s. Some assholes are downright obvious about it: They rate women’s body parts. They compare women’s body parts. They use infantile or stupid words to describe women’s body parts.

Other men are more subtle. For example, they may tell you you’re beautiful one day. The next, they say something like, “What’s going on? You don’t look so hot.” Assholes seek to control women by making judgments about their looks.

Worse are guys who deliberately try to make a woman insecure by making a fuss over other women’s looks, or by exchanging asshole comments about her with other assholes in the vicinity: “Hey, Mikey, check that out.”

Also to be avoided are men who make derisive comments about the appearances of other females. For, example, one night my husband and I had dinner and heard a collegiate-looking guy at the next table snickering about the waitress’s weight. The women he was sitting with laughed heartily (“We’re not fat! We have College Boy’s approval!”), but they should have called him out on it. The guy is an asshole.

Flee, Ladies, flee!

When assholes get married, they become even bigger assholes.

A good friend of mine ended up legally bound to one. Before their wedding, he made dumb comments about her weight, a definite red flag. The best part about this is that the professorial sweater vests he favored couldn’t hide the fact that he was a bit of a fat fellow himself.

After their wedding, he would flirt with waitresses and complain that my friend was “old and ugly.” My friend is many years younger than this asshole. If I showed you her picture, you’d see she is not ugly.

My friend used to cry a lot, but then she got smart. She invested her free time in a hobby, met some like-minded people online, and developed the courage to divorce her asshole. She’s a Catholic, so she felt guilty about leaving him all alone until she talked to a priest who told her she deserved to be happy. I guess the priest thinks the guy’s an asshole, too.

This friend has since moved on. She is now happily dating a man who really believes every single day that she’s beautiful  (even when she has a bad cold, and her face is red and puffy). He’s turning out to be her friend. He’s shown her that her happiness is as important to him as his own. That’s the basis of a happy romantic relationship, by the way: Friendship.

At the end of the day, we all need a friend. We want to be loved and supported. We do not want to be belittled and controlled. We want to be valued for ourselves, not for our looks. (Especially, since if we’re lucky, we’re going to get old.) We are human, and we want to date men who respect that.

Assholes are not capable of of this. Keep them out of your life. Do not lie to yourself and tell yourself you can change anybody. You can’t.

If you persist, one morning you will wake up and find an asshole on the next pillow. Don’t let that happen to you.