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Wear Sunscreen As Though Your Life Depends On It

wear sunscreen
The sun is good for plants and sometimes people.

Anyone who knows me knows I wear sunscreen. Even when it rains. Even to get the mail. I’ve worn it pretty much every single day since I was nineteen, primarily because I’m vain and don’t want to wrinkle, but I’d also because I’d like to avoid skin cancer, which can be deadly.

(There is no guarantee I’ll avoid skin cancer, however, because I suffered several brutal burns as a child, which is believed to raise your risk of getting the disease in later life.)

I wear sunscreen carefully

In the early days, I used chemical sunscreens. They did the job. One summer, I came home from Turkey whiter than when I’d left Connecticut.

But, in light of evidence that chemical products disrupt hormones, I stopped using them. These days I look for products with a low score from the Environmental Working Group, my go-to resource for information on product safety.

Because I wear sunscreen in all circumstances, I go through a lot of it. I have fairly sensitive skin (I used to have rosacea, too, but that’s a subject for another post). I don’t like to use anything greasy, especially in the summer months when I tend to shine in the wrong way.

What I’m using now

Right now, I’m using MyChelle Unscented SPF 28, a broad spectrum product, which feels good on the skin and dries to a matte finish. A 2.3 oz tube seems to last a long time (I’ve just only opened my third since October, but maybe that’s because I have a small face). It gets the lowest possible rating, a good thing, from EWG.

MyChelle 28 will not mess with your hormones. It’s reef safe, so it’s kind to the environment too, whereas chemical sunscreens have been shown to be hazardous to marine life.

Best of all, it’s an effective sunscreen. I volunteered at the Mile 13 Water Station at the Boston Marathon again this year, the sunny Monday after Easter. I got a wicked burn on the v-shape on my chest where I’d neglected to apply it.

However, my face and neck remained ghostly.

wear sunscreen
I like this one.

The downside to MyChelle 28? Once it dries, you really shouldn’t mess with it. If you try to move it around, it’ll flake. It’s best to apply it in good light to avoid streaking.

It is a zinc oxide formula, which, when applied properly, dries to a lovely clear matte finish. However, it you apply it haphazardly, you’ll end up with a white streak. I’ve done it.

You can find MyChelle 28 here (that’s an affiliate link), or at your local natural health and foods store.

I’ll keep you posted on new products I use

Wearing sunscreen every day has paid off big time. When I tell people how long I’ve been married or mention my children’s ages, they tell me they didn’t realize I was so old.

I’m always looking out for the best, so when a new and safe product hits the market, I’m eager to try it out. I’ve just ordered a new sunscreen developed with technology pioneered in Spain. I will let you know how I like it.

In the meantime, if you are going to wear sunscreen (and I hope you will), be aware that people who live on certain sections of the planet (like mine) tend to be woefully deficient in Vitamin D. Ideally, we are supposed to get Vitamin D from the rays of the sun, which sunscreen prevents.

Low Vitamin D levels are dangerous, so get your levels checked. Take a good supplement if you need one. I do.

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Why It’s Better to Meet a Man In a Bar Than at Church

Meet a Man
Just because you met him in church doesn’t make him a saint.

Ready to meet a man? Conventional wisdom favors churches as sources of good men over bars, where, it’s said you’ll only meet drunks and losers.

But I disagree.

You absolutely can meet a good man at church, but you can just as easily meet a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Think about it. If you were a wolf, where would you go to meet sheep? I’m guessing you’d go where sheep congregate. Women assume because they meet a man at church that he’s holy, kind, and well-mannered, but some people at church are bigoted, hypocritical, and predatory.

And I know for a fact (because I’ve seen it) that some men join specific “Christian” churches where women are expected to walk ten paces behind their husbands. Such men join these congregations with one goal in mind: To find a woman they can enslave for the rest of her life.

But, if you insist on making church your man quarry, please be at least as careful as you would if you went out to meet fellows in a bar. Truly listen to a man when he speaks. Don’t assume anything. People are on their best behavior at church, so be sure to meet him in other places to see how he behaves. Make it your mission to really get to know him.

If possible, get him drunk.

My mother used to tell me, “Ladies do not get drunk,” but an ex-boyfriend’s mother disagreed with this philosophy. She said, “It’s when a woman’s drunk that you can tell if she’s a lady.”

The same goes for a gentleman.

Is he a gentleman?

When you meet a man in a bar, you get to see how he handles alcohol. You get to see if his mood takes a dark turn after a couple of beers.

If there’s a game on television, you get to see how he behaves when his team loses. You get to see how he behaves when his team wins. You get to see how he treats other people. You get to see if he drinks and drives, or if he’s man enough to call Uber.

In other words, you get to see if he’s a gentleman.

You’re not going to find this out at church, not right away at least. You may come away with the wrong impression that a man who attends church doesn’t hang out in bars, but for all you know, the guy is a dry drunk trying to distract himself by selling raffle tickets for the parish carnival. He could be a drug addict. He could be a serial killer eluding capture. You just don’t know.

You hate bars, you say?

Bars are not for everybody, and maybe you’ll meet a man who doesn’t like them, either. If someone catches your eye at church or in some other community of seemingly good citizens, the key is to be friendly and remain alert. Don’t ever delude yourself into thinking that because a guy belongs to a Bible study or a poetry club that he’s been properly vetted.

Always, always, always watch how a man treats other people. Hear how he talks about other people, particularly women. If he’s badmouthing his mother, sister, ex-girlfriends, and female bosses, he is not the guy for you.

Run for the hills.

Make sure you spend time with a potential boyfriend in a variety of other settings. (Some “Christians” are notoriously bad tippers who think the world owes them something in return for their so-called holiness.)

When you want to meet a man, look for somebody who treats others — especially women — as he’d like to be treated. You’re not more likely to meet that kind of man in a church, and you’re not less likely to meet him in a bar.

The bottom line is this: Wherever you decide to go to meet men, hold out for the best. This is your life we’re talking about.

How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams is on Kindle. If you liked this post, please share it. If you have a comment, let me hear it!
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How to Be Happier Tomorrow

Be Happier

You can be happier tomorrow if you do one thing: Wake up fifteen minutes earlier.

Are you tempted to click away? Well, hear me out, especially if you’re one of those people who hits the snooze button. Especially if you’re one of those people who looks at the alarm clock and mutters, “Shit!

(Tip: If you ever want to be happy, the first word out of your mouth in the morning should not be “shit.”)

So, tonight, go to sleep a little earlier. Tape Colbert, for Pete’s sake. Go to bed.

Set your alarm for fifteen minutes earlier than usual. Drag yourself out of bed. Make your coffee. Then go into an empty room and enjoy the silence. Seriously, just sit there. If there’s a window in the room, all the better. Watch the light change beyond it. Watch the beginning of a new day.

You may want to close your eyes and meditate. Or sit in silence and actually taste your coffee. Or pray and read a Bible passage. Or write affirmations. Or read a healing book.

As long as it’s quiet, it’s good.

I didn’t used to do this, and I was not so happy

Years ago, when I worked in publishing and caught the railroad into Manhattan, I got up at the last possible minute and appeared on the platform with damp hair, dying for a cup of coffee. My routine was: Shower, dress, rush to the station, sprint across town, hit the deli for coffee and bagel, wait for elevator.

I’d barely have unwrapped my bagel when some individual appeared in my office doorway to demand something. Or complain about her commute. Or complain about his wife. (Or, in one case, tell me about the sex between him and his wife, which put me off the bagel altogether.)

After I had children, the routine changed a bit. I slept in later (my children, thank God, were late sleepers), and I’d wake up when they did. Then I’d get out of bed, feed them, change them, and play with them. I’d shower and make myself presentable, but their needs always took precedence over my own.

In both cases, while working outside and inside my home, I felt my life didn’t really belong to me. I felt under things, instead of on top of them. All I thought about was my to-do list and how little time I had to check everything off. Rude people bothered me more than was reasonable.

In publishing, I never missed a deadline. I won the position, according to the secretary there, over “a parade of applicants” because I was good and indicated I wanted to get even better. I loved my work and took it seriously.

However, I did have a flaw. My boss had a term for it. He said I was reactive.

Being reactive didn’t help me to be happier

I raced through my days by the seat of my pants. I did not give time to myself. This was a mistake. Whether you’re an executive or a stay-at-home parent, you must give time to yourself. It will change everything.

When you’re jumping out of bed at the last minute muttering, “Shit,” you can pretty much guarantee your day is not going to be great. You’re behind schedule. You’re stressed. You already have a thousand things on your mind. You get into the shower, and your scrubbing like a demon thinking about those thousand things.

Your day is not your own. You are owned by the traffic, by the unsmiling clerk in the coffee shop, by some offhand remark your boss makes, or some stupid inquiry from a woman in the playground regarding the slow growth of your toddler’s teeth. You are reactive. You are out of control.

And you are not alone.

The Grab and Go culture is a disease

Marketers are onto you. They have adapted products and advertising to exploit you and your harried lifestyle. They call it Grab and Go.

I don’t know about you, but I prefer not to live a Grab and Go Life. I wholeheartedly believe that I was not put on this planet to be short of breath and short of time.

If you, however, never want to be happier, be sure to grab and go. Be sure to drink your soup out of a microwavable sippy can because you bought the lie there’s no time to sit at a table and use a spoon like a proper human being.

Be sure to start your Grab and Go Day by jumping out of bed at the possible last minute muttering, “Shit!”

It’s your day. Seize it! (Gently.)

Look, you know that waking up fifteen minutes earlier is not going to lessen traffic. It’s not going to transform an unsmiling clerk into a smiling one. It’s not going to stop some woman from inquiring about your kid’s lack of teeth. It’s not going to stop a creep from telling you about his sex life.

It will, however, change the way you react to such things. Better yet, you’ll find after a little while, you don’t react so much at all. Everything changes when you give yourself time in the morning to just be. Everything changes when you give yourself the gift of thinking your own thoughts, of watching the light change beyond the window.

You will have time to put your thoughts in order. You will have time to think about your day and how you will spend it. Time will seem to expand, so that you find you’re relaxed and not always in a hurry. You will feel in control.

Really.

Please try it for a week. If you’re of those people who’s in the habit of staying up with a glass of wine after everyone else has gone to bed, drink your wine earlier and go to bed. You may think late-night time is the equivalent of early-morning time, but it really isn’t. At night, you’re unwinding. In the morning, you’re greeting the day.

And that makes all the difference. Wake up fifteen minutes earlier and take your life back. You really can be happier tomorrow.

If you liked this post, please share it! I’m curious about your morning routine. Tell me about it in the comments below.

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It’s Time to Stop Feeling Sorry For Single Women

Stop Feeling Sorry For Single Women
Girls just want to have fun. Women’s March, Stamford Connecticut, January 21st 2017.

It’s time to stop feeling sorry for single women because they’re happier than just about everybody. Three of the most fun and joyful people from my childhood were aunts who never married. They ate what they wanted, saw whom they wanted, and traveled when they wanted. They made their own money and kept their own names.

At the same time, a constant societal noise proclaimed that a woman had to be married to be happy, liked, and successful. Single women were deemed sad and unwanted losers, sufferers of some sort of defect. Ending up “left on the shelf” was considered a fate worth than death.

Some things about marriage are annoying

I feared being left on the shelf, but from an early age, I feared certain things about marriage even more. I noticed that married women didn’t get vacations. They worked on weekends and on holidays. At parties, they helped out in the kitchen while the men sat in the living room laughing and calling for fresh beers. I didn’t like the fact that weddings cost women their identities.

Eventually I did marry, but not until I turned 30. I didn’t take my husband’s name at first, but after we had children, people called me “Mrs. MacDonald,” or worse, “Mom,” so I went with it. I called myself “Terry Hernon MacDonald,” fearing that nobody would have the time or patience for “Marie-Therese Hernon MacDonald.”

As my children got older, I used MacDonald less and less. It’s a fine name, but it’s not my name. So, here I am, Marie-Therese Hernon again. (If that’s still too long for you, please call me Terry.)

Single women like being single

I’m married, but I have single friends. Without exception, they say they are a) not in a hurry to meet a man, or b) not interested in meeting a man for as long as they live. These women genuinely like men, value their friendship and companionship, but none of them is is willing to dip a toe into a situation where they may end up being controlled, devalued, or unheard, which is still too prevalent in hetero relationships.

(The man who wrote this article is an exception. He shows how women’s lives are put at risk because they are not heard in emergency situations.)

And that’s the problem. A lot of men like to dominate, and a lot of women aren’t into it. We never have been into it. Economic and social factors forced us to put up with it for centuries, but single women are increasingly picky. They want men who love them and make their happiness a priority. They will settle for nothing less.

(Think Hugh Jackman, not Mel Gibson.)

In college, a male professor told me, “After a man dies, the widow starts living.” I didn’t want to believe him. I knew unhappily married people, definitely, but my parents loved each other. More important, they liked each other. But as I got older and saw my friends legally bound to gas lighters and garden variety control freaks, I got the drift.

Now I’d go as far to say the same thing of divorced women. Despite the fact that they’re often disadvantaged economically after severing ties with a husband, the ones I know are really very merry. Any social stigma that remains for divorcees doesn’t trouble them. They’ve dived back into freedom and happiness with abandon.

So, stop feeling sorry for single women. They’re happier than everybody.

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Book Review: The Girl Who Slept with God

The Girl Who Slept with God

One of the clubs at Written Words read The Girl Who Slept with God, and while I’m not a member of that particular group, I’m always up for a book recommendation. I saw this one on the counter and picked it up.

A compelling first novel

The Girl Who Slept with God is a first novel by Val Brelinski, who teaches creative writing in Stanford University’s Continuing Studies program. The protagonist is not the one who slept with God, but her sister, Jory, a girl on the cusp of fourteen whose father expels her and her sister from the family home after the sister gets pregnant on a mission trip.

The opening chapter is engaging but disturbing; the father, a so-called evangelical Christian, settles two under-age girls into a dilapidated house and splits. He returns every so often with a bag of groceries. A Harvard-educated scientist, he seems reasonable in almost every exchange. He’s an admirable citizen doing perfectly despicable things, in this case to his own daughters.

The story is set in 1970, and Brelinski uses details well to bring us back to that time. You can hear the ring of the ice cream truck, see the Gunne Sax prom dresses, taste the birthday cake. Jory ends up on an accidental acid trip after an older guy at a party slips a tab into her unsuspecting hand. After Jory’s father pulls her out of her “Christian” school, the scenes in which Jory acclimates to a public school are poignant and funny.

Other characters include Jory’s mother, who spends a lot of time on pills in a darkened room (I know I would) and a spritely younger sister named Frances, whose joy and optimism the reader fears will be sucked out at the evangelicals’ earliest opportunity.

Oppression is not Christian

The Girl Who Slept with God is an interesting examination of a cult that pretends to be Christianity. People can recite New Testament verses all day long, but if they’re oppressing or alienating anyone (in this case a young pregnant woman and her even younger sister), they’re not overly familiar with the teachings of Jesus.

While Jory’s father never quotes Ephesians 5, the book brought to my mind evangelicals that do. I’m always amazed at so-called Christians who oppress women and quote Ephesians 5:22, as if it were the Great Commandment, as if Christ died solely so that some insecure numbskull could make himself feel better about himself by knocking a woman around.

The people who live by Ephesians 5:22 ignore 5:21, which advises wives and husbands to be “subordinate to one another,” and also 5:25, which exhorts men to love their wives. This bit is particularly interesting to me: Women are told to submit to their husbands, while men are told to love their wives. Women get the better deal because submission is inherent in love. Love is definitely not inherent in submission.

But, hey, suit yourself.

If you think reading this book triggered me, you’re right. It’s fascinating how people will twist scripture for their own creepy ends. It’s distressing that these people have driven others from the truth about Christ.

The Girl Who Slept with God makes a compelling study of religious extremism. Those who would suggest that Brelinski has unfairly targeted good wholesome God fearers are wrong. She knows what she’s writing about. She grew up in a family like Jory’s.

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How to Stop Being Lonely

How to Stop Being LonelyIf you want to stop being lonely, the cure is easier than you might think. There are currently 7,506,058,357 other humans on the planet. Surely, some of those humans would like to be your friend (Or boyfriend. Or girlfriend.)

You are not doomed to a life of loneliness unless you choose it. Here are four tips to help you meet people and start enjoying life.

1. Join Something.

I like to read short stories and talk about them afterwards, so on Saturday mornings, I meet a group of other people who like to do the same thing. We discuss the short story our leader, Dorothy, assigned earlier in the week while getting exercise and walking along the Housatonic River. Since joining the group, I’ve met interesting (and fun) people. We like each other enough to hang out afterwards at the coffee shop that adjoins our favorite bookstore.

The key to stop being lonely is to meet people with similar interests. So, if you like to read, join a book club. If you like to run, join a runner’s group. Knitters can join knitting circles. The possibilities are endless. Pick something, join, and go.

(NOTE: If you feel awkward around new people, you probably need to learn to love yourself more.)

2. Start Something.

When I moved to a new state and was in the process of building a business, I wanted to meet other entrepreneurs and small businesspeople, particularly women. The trick was, most networking groups I’d tried met at hours of the day when I’d have to hire a babysitter (my children were eleven and ten at the time). The meetings tended to be cold. I’d shake hands with a couple of people, but the format of the group didn’t allow me to get to know anyone. I hated those meetings.

I had an idea to start a group of my own, a kind of old boys’ network for girls, where we could get to know each other, do business together, and maybe even become friends. I placed a notice in the Connecticut Post inviting women to join a group I decided to call Connecticut Women In Business, and the rest is history. We have been meeting two Wednesdays a month since 2006. I’ve made connections that would have eluded me had I not summoned the nerve to email the newspaper. Since then, members have become solid friends who also go to dinner or the beach together.

You don’t have to start a business group to stop being lonely, though. Maybe you just want somebody to hang out with. This weekend, on my neighborhood Facebook page, I noticed a post from a woman who’s moving into the area and wants to make women friends. She directed would-be members to a new Facebook page she started specifically for the new group. She got lots of likes and comments. At this writing, her page has already attracted five members. Others will surely follow.

If you decide to do something like this, do it safely. Always meet people strangers in public places until you like, know, and trust them.

3. Help Somebody.

You can stop being lonely by volunteering. Help out in a homeless shelter, and you’ll meet compassionate people. If you volunteer at Habitat For Humanity, you’ll meet able-bodied, compassionate people. If you’re good at sports, coach a team. If you like a political candidate, call to find out if she needs an envelope stuffer. Churches, hospitals, and animal shelters also offer volunteer opportunities. For more ideas, go to Volunteer Match.

4. Get Rid of the Dead Wood.

Spending time with negative people feeds loneliness. So, if you have a relative or so-called friend who a) makes you feel bad about yourself, or b) goes on and on about how the world is going to hell, you need to back away. Join something, start something, or help somebody so that you become increasingly less available to people who bring you down. Your happiness depends on it.

If you liked this post, please give it a share. If you have any other ideas about how to stop being lonely, leave a comment.

Oh, and by the way, How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams is available on Kindle!

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4 Surefire Dating Tips For Introverts

Dating Tips For Introverts

Dating can be painful, especially for introverts, who typically dislike small talk and consider themselves socially awkward. (Merriam-Webster defines an introvert as “a shy person” and, “a quiet person who does not find it easy to talk to other people.”)

Don’t fret, though. You can make attracting your perfect romantic relationship almost easy without falling into this sad trap. Here are some of my favorite dating tips:

Keep it short.

Meet a first date for coffee, not a meal. Lunch and dinner can take more than an hour, which may require more conversation than you can handle. Commit to drinking just one cup of coffee (or whatever you like to drink), and if things go well, drink another. If things keep going well, plan to meet for dinner next time. On the other hand, if you don’t hit it off with the guy, fear not. There are plenty of other pebbles on the beach. Keep making coffee dates until you meet the right pebble. It’s a numbers game.

Take the pressure off.

Most of the men you meet are not going to be love of your life, and that’s a good thing because if you were attracted to every man you meet, and every man you meet were attracted to you, life would get messy fast. View each first date as a chance to make a potential new friend, not a life partner. Treat the guy accordingly. See what happens.

If nervousness strikes at any point – you get red in the face, your heart starts racing, or your head fills up with cotton — by all means, excuse yourself and go to the restroom.

Close yourself in a stall and breathe slowly into your diaphragm until you regain confidence. You can also try EFT/Tapping, a DIY self-help technique that can calm the fight-or-flight response.

Give compliments.

Everybody loves a sincere compliment. Notice something to like about your potential new friend and mention it. It’s safe to comment on shirts, ties, and shoes. Observations about body parts will likely backfire, so steer clear.

Ramp up your attractiveness by being a good listener.

People want to be truly heard, so make yourself irresistible by gently peppering your date with open-ended questions like: How do you spend your free time? What do you like about your job? Where did you grow up? What kind of music do you like? If you absorb the responses without worrying to say next, conversation will flow naturally. BONUS: You’ll also figure out quickly whether or not a guy warrants a second date.

If you keep these dating tips in mind, finding romance will cease being painful. Keep putting yourself out there, and you’ll magically find yourself in the right place at the right time when the right guy comes along.

He’s looking for you, too.

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How I Beat My Obsession With Onion Dip

Beat onion dip obsession
No onion dip for you, Bowl.
I once had an obsession with onion dip, and you might think this isn’t a big deal, except it was. Whenever a bowl of onion dip appeared, I breathlessly dunked a series of potato chips into it until the chips ran out, and then I was sad until the host or hostess ran over with more. You may be glad to know that I never stooped to double-dipping (which is gross), but I lost all self-control around onion dip. It owned me.

People noticed. Once, at a Communion party, the little girl we celebrated commented, “You are going to get sick,” after witnessing me scoop a mountain of onion dip onto a chip that nearly splintered under its weight. Embarrassed, I popped the mountain into my mouth and stepped away from the table. But I couldn’t stay away, and when the little girl went into her house to get soda, I returned to my happy spot near the bowl.

Clearly, I had a problem. When I made onion dip for my own parties (and I always made it for my own parties), I had to test it extensively before I served it to my guests. Testing onion dip is a pointless and unnecessary exercise because making it is a simple process. It involves mixing sour cream with a pre-measured packet of onion-flavored chemicals. If you mess it up, there is something wrong with you.

But there was something wrong with me mornings after I ate onion dip. I woke up looking like Henry VIII. I am highly sensitive to its unpronouncable ingredients. My face swelled up. My eyes evaporated behind pillowy slits. My fingers puffed up like cigars.

The answer to my problem arrives

I knew I had an obsession with onion dip, and I knew I had to get over it. I was on the phone one day with my friend, Alison, when the subject came up. Alison, a nutritionist and EFT practitioner (among other things), said, “You know, we can tap on that.” She led me through a couple of rounds regarding my passion for this non-food. At the next gathering where onion dip appeared, I tried it but no longer liked it.

It tasted like a bunch of chemicals.

After just a couple of rounds of EFT, I no longer liked onion dip. That was probably five or six years ago, and I still don’t like it. I continue to make it for parties (even though it is heinous) because people expect it. I test it every time, just to prove to myself that it still tastes bad. One chip, and I’m done.

If you’re struggling with an obsession with a certain food or drink, try EFT. Since achieving my own EFT certification, I’ve helped my clients eliminate obsessions with food, including chocolate, potato chips, diet soda, and other substances. Seriously, try it. You can get instructions here to learn EFT, or you can hire a practitioner to guide you. You can hire Alison, or you can hire me.

Oh, and in case you didn’t know: How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams is now on Kindle!

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To Succeed In Life: Love Yourself

There’s a key to succeeding in life. It’s not a Prada handbag, getting into the right college or company, or even marrying the right person. Those things come as a result of knowing the key to succeeding in life, which is this: Love yourself.

Yeah, loving yourself (which is free and doesn’t involve taking the SATs) is the key to great relationships, money, and happiness.

Self love is this invisible energy that makes people sit up and say, “She doesn’t have the best test scores, but she has something I can’t explain,” or “She’s not especially pretty, but she has something I can’t explain,” or, “She’s not the most detail-oriented person, but she has something I can’t explain.”

And the thing they can’t explain is the thing they want. We’re highly attracted to people who think highly of themselves.

To Love Yourself Is Not Conceit

Lest you fret that self-love is another term for conceit, it is not. If you read the Bible (and I do), the Great Commandment, according to Jesus, is to love God above all things and “to love your neighbor as yourself.” Note that Jesus didn’t say, “Love your neighbor above yourself,” or, “Love your neighbor instead of yourself.” He said to love your neighbor as you love yourself, which insists that you love yourself.

Start by committing to listing five things every day that you love about yourself. It could be the way your hair curls after a shower, or the kindness you show people who are less fortunate that you, or your singing ability. Make note of your accomplishments. Make a list of the qualities that set you apart from all other living things on the planet.

When you truly love yourself, you will love other people (and they will pick up on that). You will be generous. You will laugh a lot. You will attract good things: better boyfriends, bosses, jobs, friends, and salaries.

When you love yourself, you will be less likely to be a victim of other people’s nonsense (OPN, or if you prefer, OPS), because you will spot it immediately and shoot it down because you love yourself too much to put up with it. You will finish projects. You will study. You will do the right thing.

Because you love yourself.

The key to succeeding at life is loving yourself. That is all. If you don’t love yourself yet, make learning how to your top priority. Everything will change. I promise.

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Why I Don’t Believe In Past Lives

past lives
Cogito doesn’t believe in past lives, either.
I don’t believe in past lives because I am lazy. As a small child, my mother told me that one day I’d die, and if I loved God and was good to other people, I would go to heaven. I liked that idea so much that I responded, “Oh, good,” when I learned Robert Kennedy died. My mother told me that was a terrible thing to say, and I didn’t understand. She had said that dying and going to God was a good thing. I was six years old.

I still think dying and going to God is a good thing, although I’m not in a hurry, and I understand that murder is evil. However when my time comes, my motto is one and done. I have no desire to come back to earth and relearn to put my napkin in my lap, be punished for pulling my sister’s hair, or to get hit by a nun for putting a decimal in the wrong place. And even though I recycle and drive a fairly fuel efficient car, a lot of people don’t give a crap about the environment, and who wants to come back to a mess?

That said, many intelligent people believe they’ve lived previous lives, including fellow EFT/Tapping practitioners. It’s possible I’m slated to return in the future as the person who brokers a peace accord between humans and our increasingly intellectually capable robot counterparts, but I doubt it.

Not Past Lives But Genetic Memory

I do believe, however, in genetic memory. I prefer to think that the experiences of my great-great-great-great grandmothers, are encoded in my DNA, and they influence my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Interestingly, science believes this too. Here’s an article about genetic memory from the BBC. Here’s another from Science Alert. And here’s one particular to inherited phobias from The Telegraph.

Genetic memory, as opposed to past lives, excites me on so many levels. When I’m tapping with a client, she’s talking to her subconscious, which remembers everything, and after a while, her subconscious talks back, revealing information and providing insight into limiting beliefs, situations, and behaviors. It’s thrilling to see the light go on in her eyes as she’s tapping and getting to the root of the cause of a weight problem or a pattern of attracting substandard boyfriends.

And just because I don’t believe in past lives, it doesn’t mean I don’t respect those who do. EFT practitioners are helping clients resolve all sorts of issues, no matter where they originated.

If you haven’t tried EFT yet, I recommend you do. It’s easy and effective. You can work with me, or you can do it on your own. To learn it yourself, search “how to do EFT Tapping.” An excellent book on the subject is The Tapping Solution by Nick Ortner.

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