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Worry About What Other People Think? Here’s How to Stop

other people think

If you worry about what other people think, you’re not alone. It’s a crippling form of social anxiety that costs you time, energy, and money.

You know the symptoms:

The ceaseless replaying of social situations in your head, discussing those situations over and over with friends until they want to flee the building, bolting up from your mattress at 3:45 AM in sheer terror that someone misunderstood something you said.

You really torture yourself, don’t you?

Somebody else’s response is not your responsibility

Let’s say you attended a party over the weekend. You put on your earrings and pictured a fun evening. At the venue, you smiled at people, laughed at their jokes, made a few of your own. You were kind to everyone.

You did a good job.

Now the trick is to leave it alone. It’s beyond your control how the other people at the party perceived you or your efforts. For example, some people become suspicious when you’re kind to them. That’s not about you. That’s about them.

So, if someone doesn’t trust or like you because you’ve made an attempt at civility, don’t give him another thought. Move happily back into your own orbit.

And then, someone else may dislike you based on something as insignificant as the color of your dress. Maybe it reminds her of a dress her abusive grandmother used to wear. You have no control over that.

The key to setting yourself free from worrying about other people’s reactions to you is to just do your best and don’t worry. If you need inspiration, listen to this fine tune by Morrissey:

Let go of the idea that you can control what other people think

You can’t. Nobody can.

A wise woman once told me, “Not everyone is going to like you, Terry.” I found that incredibly liberating.

Until then, I thought it was important that everyone like me, and if they didn’t, it was my fault. The idea that I could just be myself without having to carry the weight of other people’s opinions came as a major relief.

As long as I do my best, who really cares what other people think? The ones who are supposed to “get me” will. The others don’t matter.

Even if you do your best, some people will misunderstand you

Case in point:

Many years ago, I took an excellent copywriting course at the School of Visual Arts. The instructors broke students into groups and assigned us to write an ad that employed humor. When the time came for my teammates and me to present our idea, the rest of the class laughed out loud. The instructors loved it.

We were mentally slapping each other on the backs until a guy stood up. He accused us of racism. He shouted, “I’m sick of you people saying my people multiply like rabbits. I’m sick of the jokes!”

Our ad didn’t reference his ethnic group. It had nothing to do with him whatsoever. Despite this, my teammates and I felt terrible about the situation.

In the end, though, this guy made something that had nothing to do with him all about him. It happened to us. At some point, it may happen to you.

But if you’re doing your best, it’s not your responsibility how people respond to you.

How to let go and not worry about what other people think

Once you leave a social situation, take your energy back. Seal yourself up. Sure, you can revel in the fact that you met interesting people and had a good time. There’s a fine line between reminiscing and obsessing, though, so be careful. If you find yourself ceaselessly replaying conversations, or if you wake up in a cold sweat, it’s time to de-escalate.

Put the soles of your feet on the floor and breathe. If you can’t manage that, shift your focus by imagining a social situation where you are admired and at ease. Whip out your journal and describe this situation as if it truly exists. Use sensory detail: What do you smell, see, taste, hear, feel?

If scripting a better situation is still too much of a climb, start by tapping. Your set-up statement could be something like:

Even though the guy in the blue shirt at the party shot me that look when I said I went to Manhattan College, I love and accept myself.

Then tap on the points:

The guy in the blue shirt…

Shot me a look…

As always, the words you use must be important to you. They must bring up an emotion in you. Don’t stress about this. What’s bothering you? Be specific and tap on it. (For a wealth of information on how to tap and the benefits of EFT, click here.)

Keep tapping until you feel calm. Keep tapping until you feel better. By taking action to alleviate your distress, you are training your brain to react differently in the future. You are taking your life back.

If you prefer to work with a practitioner instead of taking the DIY approach, set up an appointment with me. I’d be delighted to help you.

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How to Meet Men: A Quick and Easy Tip

meet men

Ready to meet men? My friend, Ronnie Ann Ryan, is a dating coach who insists that the key to unlocking a quarry of good available guys is to talk to new men every day. All you have to do is smile and say hello, she says.

So, if you’re in a coffee shop, and there’s a man in the vicinity, you smile and say hello. And see what happens.

What happens if he doesn’t say hello back?

It means he’s a dud. Don’t worry about it. Smile and say hello to somebody else.

What if he does say hello back?

Ah, well, the pressure’s on now, isn’t it? You’re going to have to come up with something clever to say to keep up the conversation, right?

Not necessarily.

I am one of those introverts who says she hates small talk, but it’s a gift when you’re meeting someone new. Think of small talk as an entrance ramp to a more meaningful conversation.

My friend, Helen, who was bewitchingly successful with men, taught me this years ago. If you can’t think of anything to say, she said, “the weather always works.” So mention the weather, but keep it cheerful.

If it happens to be raining for the fifteenth day in a row, you can make a joke. “Good thing I brought my canoe,” could work. Or, just toss off an offhand comment about what a gorgeous green the grass is going to be when the sun comes out.

Whatever you do, take the pressure off. No need to whip out your resume or launch into your life story. Keep it light and see what happens.

What if you meet some jerks?

Oh, you will definitely meet some jerks. Brace yourself. I wish I could reveal a formula for spotting jerks before starting a conversation, but I don’t have one.

If, in your quest to meet men, you come across somebody who gives you the willies, trust your instincts and steer clear. Otherwise, say hello and see what happens.

According to Ronnie, dating is a sifting process. So is meeting new men. You’re only going to want to get to know some of them better.

What if you put yourself out there, and you don’t meet anybody?

You’ll meet somebody. Ronnie promises that you’ll not only meet men but you’ll meet somebody special. She says that anytime a client acted on this plan and kept it up, she found a good steady boyfriend.

You may have to say hello to one hundred men before you meet one who’s boyfriend material, but if you’re serious about finding the right guy, it’s worth it.

So, are you up for it? All you have to do is smile and say hello.

And see what happens.

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Do Men Prefer Younger Women? Not Really

Men don’t prefer younger women, despite what you read at the check-out counter. Now, I’m aware George Clooney just became a father for the first time with his wife, Amal, a woman seventeen years his junior, but George Clooney is a celebrity. He is not the guy next door.

The media claim men prefer younger women

First of all, the media say that men are “hard wired” to seek younger women for fertility reasons. (They throw “hard wired” around a lot, also to explain why all men are programmed to cheat — another myth). The self-proclaimed authorities on this subject maintain this phenomenon exists to propagate the human race.

They want us to reduce men to lower mammals, like the ones seen mating in open fields on Wild Kingdom.

Now, I personally do not know any men who have intentionally sought younger women. I don’t know of any who’ve left a marriage for one, either. (The idea that men typically leave their wives for a younger model is another lie.)

And I’ve been around for a while. My father loved my mother and remained happily married to her until she died. Every one of my uncles stayed married to my aunts. My cousins remain married to their wives.

As for my male friends who are now divorced, I assure you, they did not leave their wives for younger women. In most cases, they didn’t leave their wives at all.

Here are some other heartening examples of men who prefer women their age

– A widowed friend of my husband is now in a serious relationship with a woman he dated as a teenager.

– A successful middle-aged single acquaintance met a local woman his age, the mother of two boys, on Match, and married her.

– A male friend regained his emotional footing after his girlfriend cheated on him and went on to marry a woman his age.

The guy next door does not prefer younger women and scoffs at men who do

Often, when an older man dates a much-younger woman, his peers don’t admire him. On the contrary, when the wife of a neighborhood man caught him cheating with a 23-year-old and divorced him, the other men in the area called him a dope.

Jealousy didn’t come into play.

“He lost everything,” said one. “And now he’s stuck with a 23-year-old girl who doesn’t know who Bruce Springsteen is!”

Then, in another case, a group of men laughed behind the back of a middle-aged friend who continually showed up to social events with a different younger woman. They considered him insecure and not overly bright.

If what I say is true, why are dating sites jammed with guys who prefer younger women?

Because there are a lot of jerks on dating sites.

Tip: If a guy poses without a shirt and wants a woman young enough to be his daughter, it means he’s a jerk. It’s not a sign that you should be discouraged about meeting the love of your life.

Know that for every jerk in the world, there’s a lovely guy out there who wants a relationship with a woman will will love him and be his best friend. He’s there for you if you’re willing to see him.

Perhaps the biggest myth about men is that they are purely sex driven and do not possess basic human emotional needs, like love. They are not allowed to cry or show weakness.

Are you pushing the right type of man away with the wrong attitude?

Some women tell me they’d be turned off if a man cried in front of them or showed vulnerability. They consider it a sign of weakness.

Does this sound like you?

Do you feel safer believing all men want younger woman, they’re all porn fiends, or they all cheat? Could this be some misguided attempt at self-protection on your part? Is it possible you’re afraid of a real relationship with a real man capable of expressing real feelings?

What’s that about?

If you face your fears, you can transcend them.You can have the relationship you say you want but has eluded you. You can meet someone who makes you happy.

But sometimes real men do date younger women

At some point, you may come across a really great guy who’s dating a much-younger woman. However, I’ll bet “younger” didn’t make the top five on his criteria when he looked for a girlfriend. I’ll bet she just happened to be someone he had a lot in common with. She turned out to someone who could be his best friend.

It’s not common, but people do sometimes fall in love with much younger people. Keep the handsome new French president in mind. Emmanuel Macron is 39. His wife of ten years, Brigitte Trogneux, is 64.

Want tips on meeting the right guy? How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams is on Kindle.

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My Week of Less Complaining

Less Complaining
What happens when you jot down complaints and turn them into prayers of gratitude? I’m going to find out.

Last week, after getting a nudge, I decided to limit my complaining to see if would improve my life. If what we focus on expands, you’d think my life would turn into one big party.

Right?

Here’s what happened

The first day went well, but that was to be expected. After all, it was the first day. Anyone could do that.

I also succeeded the following two days when I went on a business trip. Nothing warranted objection, really, certainly not the food, the accommodation, or even any of the people who spoke at the conference.

The hotel staff set up coffee stations in just about every corner, so I couldn’t even gripe about falling into a three o’clock slump. My bed featured a top-notch mattress. I even figured out how to turn on the shower without having to call the front desk.

Our hotel had a view of the airport, but by some miracle of modern technology, we didn’t hear a single plane. I only came close to complaining once, about the hotel’s cheap WiFi policy. They didn’t charge you to use it in the lobby, but they wanted $12.95 per day to use it in your room.

I decided to suck it up and turned on Stephen Colbert.

Then, over the weekend, on my way to my niece’s fourth birthday party, we hit traffic even before we got on the highway. In the broiling sun. I wanted to complain about it, of course, and emit some profanities, but I remembered my vow and managed a prayer of gratitude for smooth travel.

Interestingly, once we did get on the highway, we sailed out of Connecticut into New York. We arrived at the party after just one brief tie-up.

I lose it

On Sunday, a person who shall not be named resumed a behavior that I have requested him/her to cease. My automatic response was to go off on a tear about how sick I am of his/her nonsense, and when is he/she going to get it, and so on.

I went hog wild on this individual (behind his/her back), complete with jokes and petty imitations. I started to really enjoy myself at this person’s expense. Then remembered the challenge.

Also, it occurred to me:

If what I think about is what I bring about, is it possible that by complaining I am contributing to his/her annoying proclivities?

I find it again

Yesterday, when this offender reappeared and started up, I opened my mouth to go on a rant. I stopped myself dead. I got an idea to pray for him/her instead. My prayers worked in traffic. Maybe they would work here.

I don’t have any results to report yet, but I will keep praying for this individual. If anything notable happens, I’ll get back to you.

The future of less complaining: Another experiment

My success in enjoying almost no traffic gave me yet another idea: to jot in a notebook my complaints as they pop into my head, and then offer a prayer of gratitude for their opposite.

So, for example, if my complaint is:

This guy’s a giant asshole!

My prayer of gratitude could be:

Thank you, God, for this person’s hidden kindness and courtesy, which is now surfacing for everyone to see and feel.

Now, it’s nearly impossible to pray for a creep who skidded into the parking space for which I patiently waited, so the best course would be to tap and let off steam first.

(Even though this asshole took my parking space…)

By next week at this time, I’m sure I’ll have filled several pages with prayers of gratitude. I wonder what changes that will bring about.

How I feel so far after a week of less complaining

I was pretty happy to begin with, but I’m lighter and happier.

I notice that when I don’t complain I can be truly present for other people, instead of being preoccupied by a lot of nonsense. (Because who really cares if someone stole my parking space?)

And, when I’m not complaining, I can be more present altogether. It may sound corny, but I’m aware of the cardinal on my doorstep, the bursting hydrangeas, the chipmunk skittering across my lawn. I make note of the color of other people’s eyes. Everything’s a bit brighter.

I’ll let you know what the next week brings.

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Wedding Jitters? This Can Help

Wedding jitters affect brides and grooms for a number of reasons. It’s not just about the wedding. Both sexes may fear the loss of their freedom, but women have it worse, even if they’re not conscious of it.

Women have more to lose by getting married

It’s the woman, not the man, who’s expected to change her name after marriage. Some women don’t feel great about that. I didn’t. After all, my name when I met my husband was the name I learned to write at age five. I can remember spelling it for the first time.

I didn’t want to lose it.

Maybe you don’t want to lose your name, either. Loss of identity (or its slow erosion) is a possibility that many women face when they find someone to love. If you’re about to get married, maybe this is an issue for you.

EFT/Tapping can help you gain clarity about the situation. Maybe you can feel better about changing your name. Maybe you’ll come up with the right words to tell your future husband you’re not going to change it.

Or, maybe changing your name doesn’t bother you. Your jitters are due to something else altogether. You could just be stressed about the politics of seating arrangements at your reception.

Whatever it is, EFT/Tapping can help you identify your fears and very often help you come up with the solutions to them. Best of all, it can help calm you.

(New to EFT/Tapping? Get free instructions and information here.)

Whatever the cause, EFT/Tapping can help ease wedding jitters

Is it possible you’re anxious about expectations to have children? Or about the changes parenthood will make to your life?

Even in 2017, women are generally considered the primary caregiver when children come into the picture, which will present situations you may have yet to fully consider. That doesn’t mean worries about them aren’t simmering under the surface.

For example, if you want to return to work after you have children, it’s usually the woman — even in this late age — who’ll oversee childcare. If you’re an executive, and your kid gets sick, it’s probably not your husband who’ll explain to colleagues while he’s leaving the office to take care of her.

Maybe this bothers you. If it does, please tap on it. See what comes up.

What if you don’t know what your problem is?

Sometimes we’re nervous about things we can’t articulate. We don’t even know what they are. In this case, it’s effective to tap on the feeling and see if anything concrete pops up.

For example, you can identify a physical feeling and tap on that. Give your jitters a color, if they have one. If they have a shape, name it. Do they have a texture? Where do you feel them? In your chest? Your stomach? Your head?

You don’t have to overthink anything. Just do your best. Tap on the fatty outer part of your hand and put together a set-up statement.

For example:

Even though I have this buzzy red circle in my stomach when I think about my wedding, I am willing to love and accept myself.

Repeat the statement three times. Then tap on the points:

This buzzy red circle in my stomach.

Complete a round and ask yourself what, if anything, is different. Has the circle changed shape? Location? Color? Has the buzz diminished, or has it been replaced with a different feeling? Has something concrete, like a rogue cousin you have to invite to the wedding, popped up?

Note the changes and tap again.

Do another round

Alter your set-up according to the changes you noted after the first round.

Even though I still have these wedding jitters, this buzzy red feeling– it’s smaller now, with blurrier edges–, and I’m worried about my cousin Angelo, what he might say to Mike, I am willing to love and accept myself.

Repeat three times. Then tap on the points using phrases that bring up the most emotion.

You might use a phrase like:

Angelo and Mike!

Tap until you bring the intensity down. Tap until something shifts. In most cases, you’ll get a hit of clarity.

As you continue, you may find out that you’re afraid Angelo might reveal to Mike something embarrassing about your past.

Keep tapping. See what comes up. Maybe it’ll be a smooth way to avoid the situation. If you can’t avoid it, you may find a way to mitigate it.

Keep tapping until you feel calm and confident. Bring down that intensity. The goal is to feel good and strong and tranquil in your skin again.

EFT/Tapping brings clarity

It’s easier to stop being nervous when we know what’s causing our distress. If we can identify it, we can handle it.

Let’s face it, we girls have been brought up from the moment we emerged from the womb to find a husband, but we can lose a lot when we do.

EFT can help you excavate your inner nudges and discern whether or not you’re marrying a man who will make your happiness a priority, and also how to navigate big and little fears, especially about marriage. We must be aware of what we’re getting into. Our lives depend on it.

Tapping can be a huge help.

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NOTE: The situations discussed above are examples, which may or may not apply to you. This post contains a link to The Tapping Solution, which provides solid self-help EFT instruction and of which I am proud to be a paid affiliate. However, some people prefer to work one-on-one with a certified practitioner. If that’s you, I’d love to work with you. Contact me here.

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Christians and the Law of Attraction

Christians and the Law of Attraction

Christians sometimes hesitate to use the Law of Attraction for fear that it will offend God, especially when proponents throw around the word Universe all the time, as if the Universe created itself and everything in it.

But if we acknowledge that the God is the architect of the universe, I don’t see a problem. God created the Law of Gravity, and while I respect the Law of Gravity and know that it “works” no matter what, I don’t mistake it for God. I don’t worship it.

I don’t worship the Law of Attraction, either, but I respect it.

What is the Law of Attraction?

It’s a pretty easy concept. It says that like attracts like.

If you’ve ever heard the expressions, “the rich get richer” and “birds of a feather flock together,” you know what I mean.

Previously unsuccessful people activate the Law of Attraction by doing and saying things to make themselves believe they’ve achieved some sort of success. Then they achieve it. That’s an example of like attracting like.

People activate LoA through various means:

– Visualization (or mental rehearsal)
– Affirmation
– Scripting ideal days, situations, or relationships
– Acting ‘as if’

To achieve the desired result, one must cultivate faith.

“Faith is the realization of what is hoped for, and evidence of things not seen.” – Hebrews 11:1

What I found out about the Law of Attraction and faith

A Catholic lecturer recommends that people spend fifteen minutes each morning reading a chapter of one of the four Gospels for one hundred days. He says to start with Matthew, finish with John, and start over again. He says this will change your life. I’ve been doing it since early April.

Along the way, I’ve come across verses that support LoA. They are:

“Jesus said to him, ‘If you can!’ Everything is possible to one who has faith.” – Mark 9:23

“Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he said will happen, it shall be done for him.” – Mark 11:23

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

“And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.” – John 14:12-13

More important than the verses I’ve collected to support my argument, I am getting to know Jesus better and deepening my friendship with him, which is more important to me than any other goal I’ve ever set for myself.

LoA works even if you don’t believe in God

Just as the Law of Gravity works if you don’t believe in God, LoA works, too. I live in the universe God created, and I am subject to all of its laws. If I go out in the rain without an umbrella, I will get wet. In this case, it doesn’t matter if I believe in God.

But life is better because I do.

You are using faith all the time

Your thoughts create your reality. When you think something won’t work out, you’re usually right. When you tell yourself you can’t achieve something, you’re usually right. When you tell yourself life is hard and getting harder, you’re usually right. (And, when somebody asks you how you’re doing, you answer, “Same shit, different day,” it’s time to come up with a better response.)

What you think about, you bring about

I got the idea for this post while reading the New Testament after breakfast one morning. Shortly afterwards, I just happened to pick a book off my shelf that I hadn’t looked at in years. It confirmed what I’m saying here. Then, a couple of days ago, I received the gift of a book by a Christian who built a successful business while placing his faith in God and also practicing affirmations and visualization.

God gave you an imagination, so use it to picture outcomes you want. Even if you’ve never had a decent romantic relationship before, you can change that with LoA. Write down the kind of relationship you want with a person who possesses the qualities you value. The same goes for getting better jobs, exceeding sales quotas, and buying the perfect house. Decide what you want. Pray about it.

Cultivate faith and act on it. If you want a boyfriend, by all means visualize your ideal relationship. Then– and this is key– get out of the house and meet people. If you want a better job, come up with a good affirmation and use it. Send out your resume.

Then believe you’ve succeeded. (Hint: What feelings would you be feeling if you succeeded? Feel them.) Keep up the visualization and affirmations. Have faith. Faith is everything.

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Cancer Research

Cancer research
Ajay Goel, PhD; Marie-Therese Hernon; Terry Lemerond

Yesterday, I had the good fortune to attend a lecture by Ajay Goel, PhD, at the Europharma Retailer Product training in Newark, New Jersey.

Dr. Goel has twenty years in cancer research and detailed his findings. He provided information about the efficacy of curcumin, the active ingredient found in turmeric, in the prevention and treatment of cancer.

He also discussed the effect of curcumin on other diseases, which he maintains are a product of inflammation. (Goel maintains that diet is the primary cause of inflammation.)

If you’re interested in a comprehensive explanation of Dr. Goel’s findings, his book is available in paperback and on Kindle. (That’s an affiliate link.) You can also contact him directly.

I wish I had the results of this cancer research at the time of my mother’s diagnosis, but at least I have it.

From now on, I will repeat the good news about Dr. Goel to anyone who is willing to listen.

If you know someone this post may help, please share it. Your comments are always welcome.

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Will I Be Happier If I Quit Complaining?

Will I Be Happier If I Quit Complaining

I wonder if I could be happier. I’m pretty happy, but maybe there’s room for improvement. This morning, I got a gentle nudge in that direction when I opened my The Secret app, and it told me to stop complaining.

(Yes, I am the type of person who spent $4.99 on a The Secret app and consults it every morning.)

It’s true I do complain about certain things. The Secret app suggests that my continual complaining signals to the universe that it should bring me more of the things I complain about. In other words, what I think about, I bring about. I’ve read that in other places. I know from experience it’s true.

So, I decided to cut down on my complaining and left the house to meet my friend for lunch.

I get another nudge to be happier

Out of nowhere, my friend mentioned an acquaintance who set a goal but doesn’t make progress because she is always complaining about her past. “Nothing’s ever going to change for her. She keeps getting what she got,” my friend said.

I took this conversation as another sign that it’s time for me to stop complaining.

The thing is, I don’t know if I can do it. Sometimes I like to complain. It’s a warped kind of fun. But, since I’d like to bring about even better things, it would be wise to be more conscious of the words that come out of my mouth.

Could it be dangerous to stop complaining?

My friend and I discussed this: maybe my efforts to be happier will cause me to bottle up dangerous emotions and give myself a heart attack. But I’m an EFT practitioner, so the obvious solution is not to bottle up my feelings but to tap on them when things start getting to me. It’s just a matter of replacing a bad habit with a good one.

That said, I rarely do anything without doing a little research first, so I Googled around for information about other people who’ve tried to stop whining. I stumbled upon the website of Will Bowen, who calls himself the World Authority on Complaining. He even wrote a book on the subject.

Apparently, I’m the only person in the world who never heard of this guy because his website has photos of everybody from Maya Angelou to Dr. Oz smiling it up with him.

His site also features a positivity test, which I took. I scored a 93, which means I was right. There is definitely room for improvement. Okay, then. I’m going to stop complaining starting right now. Really. You have my word. Wish me luck.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Are you a complainer? Have you ever tried to stop? What happened? Please let me know in the comments. And, if you liked this post, please share it!

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How to Get What You Want (Painlessly)

How to Get What You Want Painlessly
Stop stressing and take time to enjoy the rhodedendrons.

Wouldn’t it be nice to get what you want without stressing about it? Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to fight for every little good thing that comes into your life?

Unfortunately, too many of us have allowed ourselves to be conditioned that if we want something, we have to struggle for it. The harder we struggle, the better the outcome and the bigger the reward.

Except this isn’t true.

For example, let’s say you have some sort of exam looming. It’s months away, and your instructor hasn’t even covered the material, but already you’re thinking about that exam. You’re stressing about it. The time comes to study, and you procrastinate.

Every time you think about it, your stomach fills with a big heavy ball of dread, terror, and angst. You put off studying until the last possible minute.

Finally, the night before the exam arrives. You put on a pot of coffee and stay up all night, reading, memorizing, making flashcards. You show up for the exam the next morning bleary-eyed but somewhat confident. You pass. You call your friends and celebrate.

Because the struggle was real.

But was the struggle ever necessary?

We get it into our heads that nothing worthwhile comes without suffering. We love to suffer! It makes us feel noble and accomplished. Now, there are situations where suffering is inevitable; for example, the death of a parent or spouse. That’s tough. There’s no way out of that one.

But, in the case of the exam, wouldn’t it have been easier to spend fifteen minutes each night after the instructor introduced the material reading a few pages of the text? Better yet, wouldn’t it have been wise to, as athletes do, visualize yourself enjoying the exam and knowing all the answers?

Stop struggling and let your subconscious help you get what you want

Your subconscious mind will take you where you want to go. When you use only your conscious mind, you tend to overthink and stress about every little detail. The antidote to this is to figure out what you want (to pass the exam) and communicate that to your subconscious via visualization.

Visualization in the first step. The second step is to fully engage the subconscious by feeling the same emotions you’d experience when the instructor returned your exam with a big fat red A on it.

Use your subconscious to lose weight

Back in the day when I struggled with my weight, I tried The Scarsdale Diet, Overeaters Anonymous, Weight Watchers, you name it. I lost a few pounds, fell off the wagon, and gained it back.

Everything changed when I read about a study of basketball players who visualized themselves scoring points before they hit the court. It turned out they had an uncanny success rate. (Here’s an article that explains the phenomenon.)

When I went to bed at night, I visualized myself wearing beautiful clothes and looking and feeling slim in them. I visualized people coming up to me and complimenting me about how good I looked.

I lost forty pounds.

The amazing thing about it was that I did not struggle. I did not consult calorie counters. I did not join a gym. As if by magic, opportunities to eat better, delicious food in the right amounts appeared out of nowhere. I had always been a walker, but I found more opportunities to walk, so that exercise seamlessly slid into my daily routine. I did not have to fit it in.

Visualize your way to success in things big and little

You can visualize your way into happy relationships, new friendships, and better jobs with better bosses. You can visualize your success as a businessperson or entrepreneur. You can visualize your way to face-flattering haircuts and figure-enhancing dresses.

I’ve done it.

The key is to put yourself in the future. Decide what you want and feel what you’d feel if you had it. It takes practice and takes commitment, but if you’re ready to get what you want painlessly, it’s worth it.

If you liked this post, please share it. If you’d like to discover how you can use your subconscious mind to attract a great boyfriend, my book will tell you.

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Are We In End Times?

Are We In End Times?

A lot of people think we’re in End Times. They cite melting glaciers, the frequency of terror attacks, and continual earthquakes in Oklahoma as evidence. Just this week alone, two people asked my opinion on the subject.

I also heard a story second hand about a delivery man who reported to a young woman that we are in End Times. To prove his point, he recited a litany of symptoms. He completely freaked her out.

I don’t know if the world is ending, but I do know there’s an uptick in the number of people who say it is.

A priest I like very much says that we are indeed in End Times, a condition that began after the Resurrection. In other words, God promised a Savior. We got the Savior. So, the curtain is falling slowly but no one knows when it will close.

The delivery man doesn’t have a clue. Not even Jesus knew when the world would end:

“But of that day or hour, no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” -Mark 13:32

If we’re in End Times, I’m not too worried about it

I’m going to die. It’s just a matter of when and how. Since I don’t know those things, I do my best to live a good life, a kind of heaven on earth, which involves a good amount of prayer and self-examination. (The prayer part is fun; the self-examination isn’t.)

I’ve built, with the help of God, what is called a prayer life and is, in effect, a life outside and more real than this one. And even though it’s never perfect (because I am not perfect and sometimes spaced out), it has made me truly, deeply, and lastingly happy.

Because I pray, I am with my best friend all the time. I am tuned in to a supernatural power I am not equipped to explain; you have to experience it for yourself.

I want everyone to have what I have.

So, if you wonder if we’re in End Times, good. Ask yourself how you would change your life if you knew for certain we were. How would that bit of information transform you?

I’m excited for the young woman who heard the delivery man’s proclamation because, even though he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, she’s asking questions. Maybe she’ll see that there’s another dimension to life, that it’s not just nine-to-five and Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

It’s possible she’ll start to live every day as though it’s her last. At the very least, I hope she’ll make a commitment to being happy.

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